Al (fidgeting with his computer terminal) : Ah, that would be...
Ukyou Kuonji, age seventeen, she runs an okoko... okoni... she
runs a Japanese pancake shop, and that was a... hah!  Sam, she
plastered you with a giant spatula!
Sam : Very funny.  And I am...?
Al : The date is December 24, 1991, and this is Nerima, Tokyo.
You are (terminal beeps a few times) Tsubasa Kurenai, age
seventeen, a high school junior... (Al grimaces for a second) Oh,
yuck!
Sam : What?  What is it?
Al : You're a guy.
Sam : I know I am...
Al : No, I mean this TSUBASA is a guy!  Ech, I can't believe I
thought you were CUTE!
Sam (looking over himself in the mirror a little more) : Are you
sure I'm... I mean this Tsubasa is a guy?
Al : That's what it says right here (waves the terminal around).
Sam (tossing away the piece of mirror) : So why am I here?
 
(almost immediately the sounds of a couple arguing in Japanese
can be heard coming up the street.  Sam and Al both turn to see a
boy with black hair and a pony tail and a short-haired girl
walking past the restaurant.  The boy is walking on the fence
and, from what Sam can hear, is making some rude comments about
the girl's outfit.  The girl is calling the boy names and
shooting him nasty glances.  The two pass Sam without even
noticing him and continue down the street arguing)
 
Al : That's why you're here.  That was (reads the terminal) Ranma
Saotome and Akane Tendo, both high school students, ages
seventeen, and apparently expert martial artists.  Ziggy says
there is an eighty-two point three percent that you are here
(slides Sam a sly grin while removing the cigar from is mouth) to
play MATCHMAKER.
Sam : What?  Those two?
Al : Well, Ziggy says that they're going to get married in a few
years when they go off to, uh, Mizunoikan University together,
but it looks like you're here to speed the process up a bit.
 
(Sam has just noticed that pedestrians have been watching him
talk to himself in English and decides to find somewhere more
discreet to talk.  Al points Sam in the direction of his home, a
house not far down the street.  Sam finds a pair of keys in the
dress and goes in, finding a note on the floor from Tsubasa's
parents saying they will be out for the evening with friends)
 
Sam : Alright, now that we're alone how do you suggest I speed up
this thing with Ranma and Akane?
Al : Well, tomorrow it'll be Christmas.  In the original history
(punches some buttons on his terminal) Ranma had saved up to buy
Akane a couple of pieces of jewelry, a necklace and bracelet of
some sort, for her Christmas presents, but Akane's older sister
Nabiki... um, she somehow shiested Ranma out of his money and he
wasn't able to get her anything.  The two had a big argument and
for MONTHS they would complain about the incident.  Eventually
they made up, but that was a LONG time later.
Sam (looking around the house) : So I've got to make sure that
this Ranma doesn't go broke...
Al : Right.
 
(Sam finds what he must suppose is Tsubasa's room.  It's not that
bad a room, and even looks like somewhere a guy would live
instead of a girl.  The walls are adorned with photographs of the
chef Ukyou in a number of different poses : cooking, on the
beach, at the baths.  All of them have Ukyou positioned so that
it appears she's reaching for the camera with a scowl on her
face)
 
Sam : What about this Tsubasa guy?
Al : You want to know if he and this Ukyou are going to go
anywhere... (pushes some buttons) Nope, not a chance.  Tsubasa's
going to end up marrying someone named Ryunosuke in four years,
and Ukyou's going to end up happily married with someone named--
Little girl : Tsubasa-onechan!
 
(a little five-year-old girl that looks exactly like a minature
Tsubasa runs up and hugs Sam.  Sam looks a little perplexed at
this)
 
Little girl : Tsubasa-onechan, you're home!
Sam (in his best Japanese) : Uh, so I am... Hi.
Al (fidgeting with his terminal) : This is your little sister
Chibiko. At least, I THINK it's a sister. (looks at the terminal)
Oh good, it's a girl.
Chibiko : Tsubasa-onechan, who's that? (points at Al)
Sam : Oh, boy.
Al : You can see me? (to himself) Oh, that's right, she's an
innocent little child.
Chibiko : Of course I can see you.  That's a funny suit you have
on. (to Sam) Are you playing dress-up again?
Sam : Um... yes.  Yes, we're playing dress-up.
Chibiko : That's a great outfit you have on!  You look like a big
white guy!
Sam : What are you doing home all by yourself?
Chibiko : Hey, Mommy and Daddy trust the house to me more than
you!  At least I don't take apart the stove to make those silly
costumes!
Sam (to himself) : Take apart the stove? (to Chibiko) Well, I'm
going to get dressed now, so if you'll excuse me... (Sam ushers
Chibiko out the door) Al, stay out there and keep her occupied,
will you?
Al : No problem, kids love me (goes out with Chibiko as Sam
closes the door).
Chibiko : So did she go for it?
Al : Go for what?
Chibiko : Tsubasa-onechan went to ask Ukyou-sama for a Christmas
date. Did it work?
Al : Ah, not exactly, kid...
 
(Sam eventually comes out wearing a normal outfit for a guy,
jeans and a blue T-shirt)
 
Chibiko : Wow, I've never seen you wear THAT before!
Sam : Let's just say I decided to try a change of pace.  Al, how
long until Ranma loses his money to this Nabiki?
Al : Um... (looks at the terminal) Holy cow!  In TEN minutes!!
Sam : TEN MINUTES?!  How far away is he now?
Al : Oh.  Whew, he's just a block down.  If you run you can make
it.
Sam (to Chibiko) : Can you take care of yourself for a little
while?
Chibiko : You're asking ME that?  I'm usually taking care of you,
onechan.
Sam : Right...
 
(Sam runs out the door as Al directs him to the proper house.
The two come to a house with a large sign indicating that it is
the "Tendo Dojo - School of Indiscriminate Grappling".  Sam
silently opens the gate and looks around)
 
Sam : Al, where is he supposed to be?
Al : There's a dojo around the corner.  He should be in there
with Nabiki.
Sam (maneuvering around to avoid detection) : Exactly how is he
supposed to lose his money in the first place?
Ranma (from inside the dojo) : Damn!
Al : Poker.
 
(Sam walks up to the dojo and looks inside the window.  Inside is
Ranma and a young woman with dark brown hair, probably Nabiki.
She is holding a deck of cards and shuffling them with a large
smile on her face.  Ranma is sitting there in front of her with
not as pleasant an expression.  There is a stack of bills sitting
next to Nabiki)
 
Nabiki : You lose again, Ranma-kun.
Ranma : I can't believe you talked me into this in the first
place!
Nabiki : I hope this teaches you a lesson, Ranma-kun.  You can't
go off half-cocked every time someone challenges you to
something.
Ranma : WHAT?!  You just said it would be a friendly game of
cards!
Nabiki : You didn't HAVE to keep on going every time you lost!
You have too much pride, Ranma-kun.  What were you going to do
with all this money, anyway?
Ranma : None of your business.
Nabiki : Tell you what... We go one more round, double or
nothing.  If you win I'll give you everything back, even add in a
little extra since I'm in the Christmas spirit.
Ranma : But if I lose I'll be completely broke!
Nabiki : It's YOUR call, Ranma-kun.
Sam : Al, we've got to STOP him!
Al : Then STOP him, for crying out loud!
 
(Sam looks around for an entrance of some sort.  He quickly finds
one, but as he's about to enter...)
 
Black pig : BWEEEEEE!!
Sam : Aaagh!!
 
(a small black pig with a yellow and black bandana around its
neck promptly attacks Sam, latching itself onto his face and
pummeling him with its hooves.  Sam steps backwards by accident
and falls through the dojo doors, surprising Ranma and Nabiki in
the process)
 
Sam : Help!  Get it off me!!
Ranma (pulling the pig off Sam's face) : TSUBASA?!  What are YOU
doing here?!
Sam (rubbing his face to get rid of the pain) : I was, uh, in the
neighborhood, and I thought I'd drop by.
Ranma (annoyed) : Ukyou's not here, if that's what you want.
Nabiki : Hey Tsubasa-chan, nice outfit!  How about a game of
cards?
Black pig (struggling to get out of Ranma's grip) : BWEE BWEE!
(bites his arm)
Ranma : YYYOWWWW!!  Damn you, Ryouga! (drop kicks the pig out the
door and into the sky) As for you...
 
(to Sam's astonishment Ranma picks him up with one arm and
prepares to kick him out the same way as the pig)
 
Sam : Wait!!  I just wanted to watch you play cards, is that too
much to ask?!
Nabiki : Go ahead and let him stay, Ranma-kun.  I could use some
extra spending cash after I'm through with you.
Ranma (looks about nervously for a second, wondering if he should
take this chance with his money, then caves in) : Alright Nabiki,
I accept your challenge! (drops Sam on the ground; Nabiki
proceeds to shuffle the deck)
Sam (to Ranma) : But if you lose you won't have a thing left.
Ranma (angry) : Were you listening to the whole thing?!
Sam : C'mon, you don't have to do this.
Ranma : Yes I do, it's a matter of pride.  Besides, if I don't
win this I won't have enough to get... er... well, let's just say
I need ALL my money (Ranma and Sam sit down as Nabiki deals the
cards).
Al : Oh, this isn't good, Sam!  Ranma's going to lose this one
for sure!
Sam (as quietly as possible) : Al, what hand is Ranma going to
get?
Al : Uh, let's see... (pushes some of the terminal's buttons) Two
of hearts, queen of spades, queen of clubs, six of hearts, and an
ace of diamonds.
Sam : And Nabiki?
Al : Uh-oh... four kings and a two of spades.
 
(Nabiki looks at her hand but gives absolutely no impression of
what she got.  Sam notes that Ranma, however, probably has the
worst poker face he's ever seen as he tallies his cards.
Apparently Ranma is utterly ecstatic with his two queens)
 
Sam : Al, how far into the deck are the other three aces?
Al (his terminal squeaks) : Hey, they're right on top of the
deck!  Sam, get him to toss three of his cards but not the ace!
Sam (quietly to Ranma) : Quick, toss all your cards but the ace.
Ranma : What? (Nabiki looks up, but she doesn't seem to care that
Ranma's getting outside help) Why should I listen to a twisted
sicko like you?
Sam (ignores the insult) : Ranma, you are going to LOSE!  This
woman will cream you! (Nabiki tosses in an extra thousand yen)
Ranma : What's this?
Nabiki : I decided to up the ante.
Ranma : But I don't have enough to cover this!
Nabiki : Sorry, but you'll have to fold if you can't cover the
bet.
Ranma : HEY!
Sam (digs through the pockets in his jeans as fast as he can and
finds a thousand yen bill) : I can cover it (Ranma and Nabiki are
both surprised at this).
Ranma : Huh?
Sam : I'll cover your bet, but you've got to trust me.  Drop the
other cards.
Nabiki : You'll lose anyway, Ranma-kun, you might as well do what
he says.
Ranma (stares at Tsubasa for a second, then reluctantly takes the
bill) : All right...
 
(Ranma takes the bill and sticks it on the pile of money, then
drops his cards and takes the top three)
 
Nabiki : Read 'em and weep -- four kings, Ranma-kun.  Ranma-kun?
(Ranma is completely shocked by his hand) C'mon Ranma-kun, show
me your cards.
Ranma (shows his cards) : Four aces... (now it's Nabiki's turn to
go into shock) NYAHAHAHAHA!! (Ranma scoops up the stack of bills,
then remembers something) Oh, didn't you mention something about
"a little extra"?
Nabiki (comes out of shock and regains her composure) : Amazing!
Well, I guess so... Here's an extra two-thousand yen (Ranma
merrily skips out the door).
Sam (waving to empty space) : You're welcome... He could have at
least thanked me!
Nabiki (collecting her cards and smiling to herself) : He's got
other things on his mind at the moment. (looks at Sam) So,
Tsubasa-chan, up for a game of blackjack?
Sam (getting up and making for the door) : Uh, no thanks, I must
be off.
 
(Sam exits the dojo and leaves the Tendo residence.  Al is
waiting for him outside)
 
Al : I do believe that's the first time we ever had to cheat at
cards to do good in the world.
Sam : So everything works out, right?
Al : Huh? Oh... (looks at the terminal) oh, yeah, everything
works out fine.  The marriage is moved up by almost a year, Akane
and Ranma actually get a little friendlier, all's right with the
world.
Sam : Then why am I still here?
Al : Huh?  Gee, I don't know... (pushes some buttons) Wow, this
beats me, everything seems to be fine. (face brightens up) Oh I
know, you probably get to enjoy Christmas eve, putting a sock up
by the fireplace, drink eggnog with your friends, open pres--
Sam : Come on, Al, that's ridiculous!  Are you saying I haven't
Leaped so I can enjoy the holidays while the REAL Tsubasa spends
his Christmas in the waiting room?
Al : Hmm, well, at least until we find out exactly why you ARE
still here I guess that's what you're going to have to do.
Sam : Alright, have Ziggy check the history database, find out if
there's ANYTHING we might have missed.
Al : Gotcha. (punches a few buttons and the bright entryway to
the imaging chamber opens up out of nowhere)
Sam : In the meantime, (shrugs his shoulders) I guess I'll go
enjoy the holidays...
Al (steps into the doorway) : Merry Christmas, Sam (waves his
cigar as the door slams shut).
 
(Sam plods back to Tsubasa's house and spends most of the evening
chatting with Chibiko.  Sam cooks up a little dinner, much to
Chibiko's delight (she didn't know her brother could COOK!) and
the two eat dinner while watching all the specials on television.
Later Sam puts Chibiko to bed and decides to take the time to
brush up on his Japanese while waiting for Al to come back with
news.  After a couple of hours reading Sam decides to head to bed
and goes to sleep.  In what seems like the crack of dawn Sam is
woken up by the squealing of Chibiko.  Quickly Sam leaps out of
bed and runs out of his room to see what may have happened, and
discovers Chibiko in Urusei Yatsura pajamas merrily collecting
which presents under the tree have her name on them.  A couple of
adults stagger out of the back room, bags under their eyes)
 
Father : My goodness, what time is it?
Mother : Almost 6:00 AM...
Father : Tsubasa, be a dear and watch your little sister for us.
We got home so late last night that we've barely had any time to
sleep... (catches a glimpse of Sam) Is that one of the outfits
your mother got for you?
Sam (notices he's still wearing the jeans) : Oh, yeah.  Sorry
about sleeping in them.
Mother (groggily) : Oh well, at least it's better than that
ridiculous night gown you usually wear.
Father : Come back to bed sweetheart, at least we can sleep
knowing our son wore SOMETHING appropriate for once.
 
(the two stagger back into their bedroom and close the door.  Sam
watches Chibiko and for a while pleasantly remembers a Christmas
back in Indiana when he was young and watching his own sister act
the same way.  His thoughts are cut short when he sees Al walk up
to him while passing right through the Christmas tree)
 
Al (looking at Chibiko, who has been too engrossed in her own
presents to notice Al) : Aaww, isn't that cute?
Sam : Al!  What do you think you're doing?!
Al (acting hurt) : What?  Nobody can see me!
Sam : Chibiko can!  What if she saw you walk through the tree?
Al : Oops, sorry.
Sam : So did you find anything?
Al : You mean besides the fact that our little guest in the
waiting room makes my skin crawls every time she... I mean HE,
talks?
Sam : Yes, Al, BESIDES that!
Al : Well... (shrugs) Nothing.
Sam : NOTHING?!
Al : Exactly!  Ziggy can't find ANY reason why you're still here.
And frankly it's really beginning make us all panic...
Sam : This doesn't make any sense at all.
Chibiko : Hey, it's you again!
Al : Oh, hi kid.
Sam (noticing something) : I didn't know you knew Japanese, Al...

Al : I learned how to speak it when I was dating this actress
about five years ago.  She was in one of those martial arts
movies filming in San Francisco, and she had some of the
BIGGEST--
Sam (quickly putting his hands over Chibiko's ears) : Al!
Al (off in his own dreamland) : You wouldn't BELIEVE how
dexterous that girl was!  I learned all SORTS of interesting
things!
Sam : AL!!
Al (snapping out of it) : Huh?  Whoops <heh-heh>, got a little
carried away there...
Sam (growing frustrated) : So NOW what am I going to do?
Chibiko : I thought you were going to go visit Ukyou-sama this
morning.
Sam : Ukyou?  Oh, the chef, that's right.
Chibiko : You bought a present for her and everything.
 
(Chibiko points to a package under the tree, which Sam pulls out.
The label reads "To : My darling Ukyou-sama; From : Your
ever-loving Tsubasa")
 
Sam : Well, I guess I should deliver this.  You want to tag
along, Chibiko?
Chibiko (eyes light up) : Really?!
 
(Chibiko runs into her room and two minutes later comes out
wearing a little pink dress and a red jacket with "Hello Kitty"
on it.  Sam insists that she eat breakfast before they go out.
When she's done Sam collects the present and goes outside.  The
sky is a bright blue and the sun has risen a little bit, although
not enough to eliminate the crisp chill of the morning.  Chibiko
happily skips along holding a new doll she had excavated from one
of her presents.  Sam notes that despite the early hour he can
hear a lot of childrens' voices emanating from the surrounding
houses, ever-so-often accompanied by the groan of their waking
parents)
 
Al (staring amusedly at Sam) : Look at you.
Sam : Hmm?
Al : Grinning like that.
Sam : Oh, that.  It's just that Chibiko reminds me of my little
sister.  Watching her open those presents like that, well, it
brought back memories...
Al : Yeah, she IS a little rascal, isn't she?
 
(the group walks over to Uk-Chan's, where Sam lightly raps on the
door while Chibiko plasters her face to the glass to get a good
view of the inside.  After five minutes with no response, Sam
asks Al to locate her. Al informs him that Ukyou is at Ranma's
house)
 
Sam : Ranma's house?  What's she doing THERE?
 
(the group walks back to the Tendo dojo, where the sound of
people talking can be heard beyond the main gates)
 
Sam : I guess they're all awake... (prepares to ring the door
chime, when Al's computer terminal begins to whine)
Al (looking at the computer pad) : What the...?  THIS can't be
right... (hits the keypad)
Sam : What?  What is it?
Al (yelling out to empty space) : Goushii, what the hell is going
on?!
Sam : Al, what's happening?!
Al : Something's wrong... 12 percent, 14, 20; Sam, history is
changing!
Sam : What, they don't make up, the marriage gets pushed back?
TELL ME, AL!
Al : To heck with making up!  According to Ziggy the chances of
them EVER GETTING MARRIED is plummeting!!  There is now a...
thirty-five percent chance that they break up and never talk to
each other again!! Forty!  Forty-eight!!  Sam, hurry up and do
something!!
 
(Sam quickly opens the gates and runs to the house.  The voices
coming from inside are now evidently not in celebration but
rather in anger.  Sam knocks on the front door but the noise
inside is too much to carry the sound, so Sam decides to enter on
his own.)
 
Ranma (digging through boxes that litter the floor) : I swear I
got it for you!  It's gotta be around here somewhere!
Akane : Yeah, right!  You just forgot, admit it.
 
(a young woman with long brown hair in a nightgown notices Sam
and Chibiko enter)
 
Woman : Oh, hello.  Father, we have guests!
Father (a black-haired man with a moustach) : Guests?  What
guests? (everyone stops talking and looks up at Sam)
Al : Ah, the lovely young lady is Kasumi Tendo, Akane's oldest
sister, and the man is her father Soun Tendo.  The guy in the
back with the glasses is Ranma's dad, Genma Saotome.
Akane : Tsubasa?  What are you doing here?
Sam : Uh, well I...
Ranma : TSUBASA!  Ask Tsubasa, Akane!  He knows I got the money
for it!
Tsubasa : Did I miss something?
Akane : Just this moron CLAIMING that he got me some kind of
great Christmas present.
Ranma : Who are you calling a moron, you unfeminine little...
Sam (quietly) : Al, what's going on?
Al : I don't know!  Ranma didn't have anything for Akane in the
original history but it didn't stop them from getting married.
I--
 
(Al is suddenly cut off as the far wall caves in unexpectedly.
Out of the rubble comes a beautiful young woman in Chinese
clothing with a huge head of purple hair.  She runs up to Ranma
and passionately hugs him.  Ranma looks completely flabbergasted,
while Akane clenches her fists and turns beet-red)
 
Purple-haired girl : Oh, Ranma!!  You I love!!
Ranma : Shampoo!!  Wh-wha...
Sam (to Al) : Shampoo? Her name is Shampoo?! (Al is completely
enthralled by her)
Shampoo (happily) : I never take it off EVER!  I sleep with it,
bathe with it, work with it!
Akane (angrily) : What are you talking about?
Shampoo (with a look of victory on her face) : Look what darling
husband left for me by bed this morning!
Sam and Al together : HUSBAND?!
 
(Shampoo points to her neck.  Around it is a gold necklace, not
extremely expensive looking, but a necklace nonetheless.  Ranma's
eyes bug out.  Akane looks about ready to explode.  Apparently
her father already has)
 
Soun (grabbing Ranma by his shirt) : Ranma-kun, how COULD you?!!
(slams Ranma into the floor face first while weeping)
Ranma (still in shock) : B-but I didn't... I mean... How...?!
(Akane is shivering with fury at this point)
Al : Uh oh!
Sam : How did she get that necklace?
Al : I don't know, but this is looking worse by the minute! (hits
his squealing computer terminal a few times) Sam, the break-up is
now SIXTY percent probable!
Sam : I thought history was already set!  You said it yourself!!
Everything works out!
Al : Well, don't look at ME!  The numbers just keep rising!
 
(suddenly another figure comes through the hole left in the wall
by Shampoo -- Ukyou with a giddy look on her face, running up to
Ranma and hugging him)
 
Ukyou : Ran-chan!!  You are the SWEETEST thing!
Sam : What...?
Ranma (trying to keep track of everything as the world goes
haywire) : U-Uk-Chan?  What did I--?
Ukyou (raises her arm to show the family) : Look what my
wonderful fiance got me for Christmas!
Sam and Al together : FIANCE?!
Al : Jeeze, this guy is ONE fast worker...
 
(on Ukyou's arm is a thin gold bracelet, once again not expensive
looking but...)
 
Ranma : How did you get that?!
Ukyou : It was sitting by my bedside when I woke up, you sly--
Ranma : But I didn't... I...
Nabiki : You gave a piece of jewelry to these two girls?! (Nabiki
actually looks furious) You had PLENTY of money to by them
something but not my LITTLE SISTER?!
Kasumi : Ranma-kun, I can't believe you would do such an
inconsiderate thing.  I'm VERY disappointed in you.
Genma : This is LOW, Ranma!  I have never been so ashamed of you
in my LIFE!
Ranma (becoming desperate) : But you've got to believe me!  This
is all a mistake!
 
(Akane's fists are still clenched.  She walks up to the
sputtering Ranma and, opening one hand flat, slaps him across the
face hard.  Ranma stops talking and looks at her with pain as she
turns away and runs upstairs.  Crying can be heard before the
sound of a slamming door shakes the house)
 
Al : Dammit!  One-hundred percent (throws down his cigar in
frustration).
Sam (looking at the family as they berate Ranma; Shampoo and
Ukyou are fighting over who got the better piece of jewelry) :
How in the universe could this have happened?
Al : I don't know, Sam, I just don't know.
Chibiko : Tsubasa-onechan, what just happened?  Why were all
these people yelling at each other?
Sam : Ah, it's... uh, it's a little hard to explain, Chibiko...
Chibiko : Was it because that girl didn't get a Christmas
present?
Sam : It's a little more complicated than that, but... Yeah, I
guess that's as close as we can get right now.
Chibiko : Oh...
 
(Chibiko looks around a little bit; her big brother is talking to
his funny friend in some weird language, probably English; she
doesn't know anyone else, and besides, they're all being a little
too loud for her.  That girl that ran upstairs looked pretty sad,
though, and just because Santa didn't bring her a Christmas
present she was going to be mad at that guy with the pony-tail.
Chibiko thinks for a second...)
 
Chibiko (knocking) : Hello?  Can I come in?
Akane (crying) : Go away!  I don't want to talk to anyone!
Chibiko (persistently knocks harder) : Pleeeaase?
 
(for a little while there is silence, then Akane opens the door
to see who it is.  Her eyes are red from tears.  As she looks
down at the little child, she notices that she's holding up a
small package)
 
Chibiko : I found this downstairs.  It didn't have a name on it,
but I thought maybe Santa left it for you.
 
(Akane looks at the present in surprise, then slowly takes it
from Chibiko and opens it up : inside there is a little Totoro
doll holding a stuffed red heart with the words "I Love You"
embroidered on it.  Akane wipes her eyes a little bit and then
sits down on the bed looking at it.  Chibiko sits down next to
her and looks at Akane with curiosity)
 
Akane (wiping her nose) : Your Tsubasa's little sister, aren't
you?
Chibiko : Do I know you?
Akane : No, but I think there's a pretty strong family
resemblance.  Besides, I've heard him talk about you from time to
time when he's working at Uk-Chan's.
Chibiko : I don't know why he works there.  She never pays him
anything.
Akane : Your big brother is in love with Ukyou, I suppose.
Chibiko : Oh. (sticks her tongue out) That's gross! (Akane smiles
a little bit) Why were you crying?
Akane : Well, it's hard to explain...
Chibiko : That's what my big brother said.  I think he just
doesn't know why.
Akane : I'm not sure I know why either...
Sam : I think I might have SOME kind of an idea (steps into the
room). Chibiko, would you go downstairs and stay with Al?  I need
to talk to Akane for a little while.
Chibiko : Okay. (hops off the bed, then stops and whispers into
Sam's ear before she leaves) I hope it's okay, but since
Ukyou-sama already had that pretty bracelet I didn't think you'd
mind if I gave--(puts a small piece of paper in Sam's hand)
Sam (patting Chibiko's head and smiling) : You did a good job,
Chibiko.
 
(Chibiko smiles and runs out the door.  Sam looks in his hand at
the love note Tsubasa wrote to Ukyou with the present, then
quickly crumples it up and sticks it in his pocket.  Akane looks
at Sam dubiously as he sits down on the bed next to her)
 
Akane : Since when did you start wearing men's clothing, Tsubasa?

Sam (looking at himself) : Well, uh, you know how I like wearing
costumes.  No one's going to recognize me like THIS.
Akane (laying her face on her hands) : I can't understand him,
sometimes!  Why would Ranma give such expensive presents to THOSE
two?
Sam : Just because someone gives a person an expensive gift
doesn't mean anything.  I always thought a gift from the heart is
usually a LOT more valuable than a gift from the wallet.
Akane : It's not just the gift, Tsubasa.  We're always fighting
about one thing or another, he's always calling me unfeminine,
uncute, he's always insulting my cooking; sometimes I wonder if
he cares about me at all.
Sam (trying to find the right words) : Well, uh, what do YOU see
in him?
Akane (startled at this question) : I, uh...
Sam : I mean, you have to really care about him to be so upset
about this.  Otherwise it wouldn't have mattered to you at all.
Akane (blushes) : Well, it's not that I don't, uh, care about him
or anything, but it's, er (begins to blush even more), well, it's
hard for me to tell him how I feel... about him, that is...
Sam : If it's hard for you to tell him, don't you think it might
be hard for him, too?
Akane : Well, ever so often I DO see him do something nice for
me...
Sam : Besides, from the way Ranma was acting down there I don't
think he was the one to put those presents by those girls' beds.
I mean, why would he deny it if he did such an open act?
Akane (slightly embarrassed) : I guess I was too angry at him to
think about that... (looks at Sam, who smiles at her.  Akane
smiles back and after giving it some thought gives him a kiss on
the cheek) Thanks, Tsubasa.
 
(Akane gets up and leaves the room.  Sam follows her downstairs
and into the noisy argument below.  Ranma keeps protesting his
innocence, although he continues to crumble under the assault.
Akane walks up to Ranma, who immediately shields his face with
his arms)
 
Ranma : I swear I didn't do it!!
Akane (smiling) : I just got my Christmas present, Ranma.  Thank
you, I think it's wonderful.
Everyone in unison : Eh?
Ranma : Wh-what Christmas present?
Akane (smiling and skipping off into the kitchen) : Oh, nothing.
 
(everyone looks at Akane in surprise as she leaves the room.  The
group looks kind of guilty for berating Ranma, and all spout
apologies out of the side of their mouths before chasing Akane
into the kitchen)
 
Soun : What?  What did he get you?
Akane (happily) : Oh, it's nothing.  Nothing at all.
Nabiki : How can you say it's nothing?  Look at the smile on your
face!
 
(meanwhile Ukyou and Shampoo have decided to take their turn and
pounce on Ranma)
 
Shampoo : What you give her?!
Ranma : I don't... uh...
Ukyou : Don't play innocent with us, pal!  Spill it!
Al (looking at Ranma) : Well, I guess you're damned if you do,
damned if you don't, (out of the side of his mouth as he eyes
Ukyou and Shampoo) the lucky son of a...
Sam : Did we do it?
Al (looks at his computer terminal) : Yep, everything's back on
track. Ranma and Akane get married, although (hits the keypad)
Ziggy can't seem to figure out exactly when now... Oh well,
there's a one-hundred percent chance that they get married SOME
time in the future.  You did good, Sam, and YOU (points to
Chibiko with a smile on his face) did a TerRIFIC job! (Chibiko
smiles back in response)
Sam : I just wish I knew who gave those girls the jewelry.
Whoever it was nearly screwed up everything.
Chibiko : Maybe one of Santa's helpers messed up the delivery.
Al (amused) : Oh, I don't think so, kiddo.
Chibiko : Why not?  I saw one of them carry a present from this
house last night just after Mommy and Daddy got home <they woke
me up when they parked the car>.
Sam and Al : WHAT?!  Are you sure?!
Chibiko : Sure, I could see it from my window.
Sam (kneeling next to Chibiko and looking her in the eyes) :
Chibiko, I want you to tell me EXACTLY what this "helper" looked
like.
Chibiko : That's easy!  The helper looked just like--
 
(a bright blue and white flash fills the room, and with a whine
that sounds like a blast of air the ground falls out from under
Doctor Sam Beckett as he loses sight of the world and Leaps...)
 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                        End  -  Part  One
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                    Formula  119  presents...
 
(in less than a second and longer than an eternity Doctor Sam
Beckett exists bodiless in a limbo of white electricity and blue
light, being flung through time and space, Heaven only knows
where and when to.  A smell like burning ozone and the sound of a
high-pitched whine fill his ears and nose; his body feels as
though it has been immersed in warm water; his eyes see nothing
but what can only be described as "everything", much like seeing
his life flash before his eyes, but instead seeing the lives of
EVERYONE in the course of a nanosecond.  The whole sensation
seems to last forever, and then it ends as soon as it starts, and
the Leap is complete...)
 
(there is an incredible flash of blue and white light followed by
the immediate dying down of the strange whining sound that
accompanies every Leap.  The feelings of nausea and euphoria
vanish as Doctor Sam Beckett feels the ground slam itself beneath
his feet.  Sensations of dizziness are replaced with the feelings
of disorientation and fear which he always feels when being
tossed into the life of yet another person that history has
somehow wronged)
 
Old man : Go south for thirty kilometers, you can't miss it.
Sam (suddenly notices the little bearded man with glasses
standing before him.  Next to the man is a huge ox) : I-I'm
sorry?
Old man : SOUTH!  Go SOUTH!  Thirty kilometers!  Good grief,
you'd think you were deaf or something!
Sam : Uh, all right... Thirty kilometers south, you say.  Thanks.

 
(Sam waves to the man as he turns around... and suddenly he
notices there's no ground beneath him.  Sam looks down just in
time to discover that he's just walked off a cliff with a rapid
river flowing about a hundred feet below)
 
Sam (waving his arms around to regain his balance and failing
miserably) : OoooOOOOH  BooooOOOOOYYYYY!!! (falls over the ledge)

Old man (calling out) : That's NORTH, you idiot! (to himself)
Honestly, that boy has absolutely NO sense of direction at all...

 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 
                  R    A    N    M    A     1/2
 
                      A  LEAP  AND  A  HALF
 
 
 
                      Written  by  BENARES
 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Official disclaimer : Quantum Leap is the property of Universal
                        Pictures
                      Ranma 1/2 is the property of Rumiko
                        Takahashi
 
 
                        Part  Two  of  Three
                           March 15, 1992
 
Sam : Just a little bit over!
Old man : Good grief, just grab the stupid thing!
 
(Sam is hanging onto the root of a tree that is protruding from
the cliff-face, trying to reach for a long rope that the old man
has tied to a rock on the ledge.  Sam is finally able to get a
handle on the rope and pull himself back up, although he notes
that the heavy pack on his back is seriously slowing him down.
After a lot of effort Sam claws his way back onto solid ground
and rolls over panting)
 
Old man (collecting his rope) : What's the matter, can't tell
north from south?
Sam : I just <pant> got a little d-disoriented <gasp>, that's
all...
Old man (taking his ox by the reigns and walking off) :
Whatever... (shaking his head) Dumb kid...
 
(Sam finally decides that he can sit up and looks around.  He is
in the middle of a huge grassy meadow strewn with hills (and one
large cliff to the north).  The weather is very pleasant, a few
wispy clouds hovering in the sky.  Sam calls out for Al but
there's no response, so he takes his only lead and trudges on
south.  After sixteen kilometers and three hours later Sam
decides to take a break and collapses with the heavy backpack)
 
Al (suddenly appearing from his glowing doorway) : Do we need a
workout, Sam?
Sam (refusing to budge from the prone position) : Whoever I
Leaped into <gasp> must be a giant of some kind!  This stupid
backpack has to weigh at LEAST a hundred and fifty pounds...
Al : No, as a matter of fact you have Leapt into March 15, 1992,
into the life of one Mister Rai-Oga... (looks at his keypad)
Oops, I mean RY-ouga Hibiki, age seventeen, male... Actually he's
only a little taller than me.
Sam (sitting up) : He must be one powerful little-- (looks at Al)
What happened to YOU?
Al (holding up the little computer terminal so that it blocks
Sam's view of his face) : What?  Oh, oh nothing...
Sam (pointing at Al) : You've got a black eye!
Al (moving the keypad and looking embarrassed) : Yes...
Sam (smirking) : What happened, you accidentally discover that
one of your girlfriends is married the hard way?
Al : As a matter of fact,no!  Our... GUEST did this to me.  He
thought he was being abducted or something and began attacking
everyone that entered the waiting room.  He beat up almost all of
the security guards--
Sam : And you, too.
Al : YES, and me, too; you don't have to rub my face in it!
Sam (still smirking) : Sorry.
Al : Where was I?  Oh, yeah... Anyway, he only stopped when Tina
went in there to try and calm him down.  He started blushing when
she talked to him, and after a while she was able to explain that
he WASN'T being abducted by aliens.  She's still in there with
him <the lucky little>... (Al begins to frown)
Sam : Has Ziggy found out why I'm here?
Al : No, she's still working on that.  Ryouga says he was going
west to Tokyo before you jumped in.
Sam : West?  Some man I met a while back said I was supposed to
be going south.
Al (punching some buttons) : What do you know, it IS south.  Just
about nine miles over these hills.
Sam (stands up) : Well, I guess (hefts up the backpack) Ugh!  I
guess I'll just have to... (drops the backpack) TOKYO?!  I'm back
in JAPAN!!
Al : Well, uh, so you are.  However, until we find out exactly
why you're here it MIGHT just be a coincidence...
Sam : Coincidence my ass!  Being in TOKYO only four MONTHS in the
future, a little FAR FETCHED for a coincidence!
Al (shaking his head) : Nope nope nope... We already rechecked
all history scenarios involving EVERYONE you already met here
last time, and their lives turn out just fine.
Sam (scratching his chin) : I don't get it...
Al : Listen Sam, I'll go back and try and find something that can
be of help.  In the meantime (points into the distance), you've
got a little hike ahead of you...
 
(Al pushes some buttons on his keypad and a glowing sheet of
white slides out of empty space.  Al walks into it and the magic
door slides shut behind him.  Sam sighs, hoists the backpack onto
his shoulders, and trudges on over the hills.  About two and a
half hours later Sam enters the suburbs of Tokyo.  After looking
about for somewhere to stop Sam finally finds an empty lot and
drops the backpack)
 
Sam (to himself) : Great, Al COULD have at least told me where
this guy lives...
 
(Sam decides to sift about in the backpack, hoping to find some
sort of indication as to what Ryouga's address is.  He finds
foodstuffs, a tent, clothes, a sleeping bag, an incredibly heavy
umbrella, everything needed to survive in the wild... except an
address book.  Finding an empty box in the back of the lot, Sam
hides the bag and covers it over with some roofing tiles, then
decides to go exploring.  As he passes a glass window he gets a
good glimpse of what he looks like : a black-haired Japanese male
with a very defined build, wearing a sleeveless black shirt,
black pants, and a yellow and black bandana. Sam notes that the
bandana he is wearing looks exactly like the one worn by the pig
that had attacked him in his previous Leap; come to think about
it, Ranma had mentioned Ryouga's name just before booting the pig
into the air)
 
Sam : There's NO way this could be a coincidence, now...
Akane : Ryouga-kun!
Sam (spins about startled to see a familiar face) : A-Akane!
It's, uh, nice to see you again!
Akane : You too!  So where have YOU been for the last two weeks?
Sam : Two weeks?  Oh, um... around.  You know - here, there...
So how are you?  How's, uh, Ranma?  You two been getting along?
Akane (looking annoyed) : Ranma?  THAT jerk?  Hah!
Ranma : I wouldn't be such a jerk if you weren't such a tomboy!
 
(Ranma jumps from out of nowhere and lands on Sam's shoulders,
forcing him to the ground)
 
Sam : Yeaargh!!
Akane : I'm not a tomboy, you BAKA!
Ranma : Uncute!
Sam (shoving Ranma off his back and getting to his feet) : Hold
it, you two!  What's all this about?
Akane : Ranma's an idiot, that's all.
Ranma : Macho chick!
Sam (trying his best to keep down the squabbling) : Hey, hey!
Let's just try to stay calm, everybody...  There's no reason you
two have to argue about... about... What ARE you two arguing
about, anyway?
Ranma : Why should YOU care, P-Chan?
Sam (looks at Ranma in confusion) : Who's P-Chan?
Akane : Leave Ryouga-kun out of this, you imbecile.
Ranma : Who's the imbecile, you ditz!
 
(all of a sudden Al pops in out of nowhere a few meters away from
Sam and waves him over.  Sam reluctantly leaves the arguing
couple and sneaks over to the hologram)
 
Sam : Al, something happened!  These two are acting like they
hate each other!
Al (casually looks at the twosome) : Oh, that...  Don't worry
about it.
Sam : Don't worry about it?!  Al, what's the probability of them
breaking up?  I think I might have come back to do something
about this.
Al (waving his arms about) : No, don't worry about it!  There's
still a one-hundred percent chance the two are going to get
married; Sam, this is how they ALWAYS act together.
Sam (looks at Akane.  She looks ready to break Ranma's jaw) :
What?  Are you sure?
Al : Sam, these two are classic cases... They both LOVE each
other, but they've got so much EGO that they aren't going to tell
each other and are INSTEAD going to act the exact opposite of how
they feel.  You remember what Akane said in her room on
Christmas.
Sam : Yeah, I-I guess so.  So have you got anything yet?
Al : Not a single thing (Sam face faults).  But Ziggy's now
absolutely sure that it will have something to do with Ranma and
Akane.  Whatever IT is...
Sam (frustrated) : I already figured out that part, Al!  Did you
get anything out of Ryouga?
Al : No, although Tina (grimaces) thinks he's... CUTE. (Sam
snickers at this) It's not funny, Sam, stop laughing!
Sam (covering his mouth) : I'm sorry... Say, I didn't know Tina
knew Japanese.
Al : Oh, she doesn't.  Ryouga seems to know some good English,
though... (Al's little terminal squeals loudly) Huh?
Sam : Did something come up?
Al (reading the terminal) : Not again!  Sam, Ziggy's history
database is changing on her!  Something's happening... (looks at
the keypad in astonishment) Oh my God.
Sam : History changed again?!
Al : I don't know how, but... yeah.  Ziggy says that within
twelve hours Akane's... going to die.
Sam (Sam nearly falls over in shock) : That can't be right!!
Al : Local records show that she (keypad beeps) drowns, exact
time unknown, but her body winds up on the coroner's desk in a
couple of days.
Sam : Get me the specifics, Al!  QUICK!
Al (hitting the keypad as it continues to whine) : Ziggy doesn't
HAVE any specifics.  Something has just caused history to change,
and because it JUST happened Ziggy can't get a clear lock on any
information that gives any details, just the autopsy report
stating around what time she died and how!
Sam : Dammit!  I must have done something!
Al : What makes you say that?
Sam : Well, what else COULD it be?  I'm the only variable!
Al : Don't forget, Sam, our records looked fine at first when you
Leapt into Tsubasa, but SOMETHING caused time to change...
(thinks for a second) Hey!  Who's the only other person that can
change history besides YOU!
Sam : No, Al, it couldn't be the "evil Leaper".  I shot Zoe when
she tried to kill Alea and me, remember?
Al (chews on his cigar in frustration) : Nuts, that's right...
Sam : Well, at least I know HOW she dies.  I'll just have to
stick by her and make sure she stays away from any dangerous
sources of water.
Al : Sure, how hard could THAT be?
 
(Sam looks over to where Akane and Ranma are arguing.  Or rather,
WERE arguing; the two are gone.  Sam asks Al to locate them, and
Al obliges, targeting them at the Tendo dojo.  With the
hologram's help, Sam quickly locates the Tendo home and goes in.
Akane and Ranma are taking their shoes off and are about to enter
the house when they surprisedly notice Sam come in)
 
Akane : Ryouga-kun?  What are you doing here?
Ranma : And how'd you find your way here so FAST?
Sam : I, uh... Well, I was wondering if I might be able to stay
for... for DINNER.
Ranma : Whoa, you couldn't have picked a worse night of the year!

Akane : Shut up, Ranma!  Ryouga-kun LOVES my cooking, don't you
Ryouga-kun?
Sam : Oh, um, sure.  Nothing better on the planet.
Ranma (walks up to Sam and sympathetically pats him on the
shoulder) : Wow, I'm SORRY, P-Chan.  I must have landed on your
head harder than I thought.
Sam (genuinely confused) : Who's P-Chan?
 
(Ranma never has the chance to respond since Akane quickly drives
an elbow into his face and drives his face into the pavement,
causing the ground to crack like an egg.  Sam staggers at the
amount of damage he thinks must have been caused to Ranma's face,
but before he can administer any aid...)
 
Ranma (getting up with a lot of bruises by no real damage) : That
HURT!
Akane : Good!  Now, Ryouga-kun (takes Sam's arm), you can help me
out in the kitchen while I prepare dinner.
Sam : Sure, no sweat... (thinking) My God, the people around here
must be built like freight trains!
 
(Sam follows Akane into the kitchen and does a few cleaning
chores while Akane works on cooking the evening meal.  Ever so
often Sam looks up from washing dishes and cutting vegetables and
watches Akane prepare... something; exactly what he can't say,
but whatever it is it's sure generating a lot of smoke)
 
Sam (trying to see through the ever-decreasing visibility) : You
know, I can <cough> help you with that if you want.
Akane : No <cough> thank you, Ryouga-kun <hack>, I'm doing just
fine.
 
(after about an hour darkness has settled outside and the family
has settled down to eat.  While Akane and Kasumi lay out the
table Sam goes to the bathroom to wash up; he notes how red his
eyes, or rather Ryouga's eyes, have become after spending over an
hour inside a thick cloud of burning smoke.  After cleaning out
his eyes as much as possible with a towel Sam finds a place to
sit next to Akane and settles in along with the rest of family.
As he looks around at the others he notices that the air seems
somewhat heavy, almost like the group expects some form of doom
to be lain upon them)
 
Soun (visibly sweating) : I thought Kasumi was cooking tonight.
Akane (smiling) : Nope, I asked Kasumi-onechan if I could
surprise you tonight with some cooking of my own.
Genma : Well, we're all pretty... um... surprised, aren't we
Ranma?
Ranma : Good thing I already knew about it, otherwise the shock
might have killed me.
Genma (grabbing Ranma by the shirt) : You KNEW about it and you
didn't warn us?!
 
(Al walks into the room and takes a look at the feast set out on
the table)
 
Al : Oh, WOW!  Sam, you lucky devil, you get to have GENUINE
Japanese cuisine tonight!  And it looks DELICIOUS, too. (Al steps
over to the table and takes in a big whiff; after a second he
frowns and takes a look at the cigar in his hand, then shakes his
head) You know, Sam, I might just be a hologram but I SWEAR I can
smell smoke...
Sam (quietly to Al) : I know, it looks pretty good. (out loud) I
don't know why you people are complaining.  Akane put a lot of
work into this meal; you just aren't giving it a chance.
Ranma : Oh?  Then why don't YOU eat some FIRST, P-Chan?
 
(in open demonstration to show everyone how safe it is Sam takes
his chopsticks and, after spending about two minutes trying to
remember how to use them, picks up a piece of squid and takes a
bite.  Everyone watches him in anticipation to see what his
reaction will be, especially Akane.  Al looks at Sam with some
curiosity as well.  After a wait that seems like days there is a
loud SNAP as Sam's hand spasmodically crushes the chopsticks)
 
Al : Sam?  Sam, speak to me! (Sam's eyes begin to water)
Akane : How was it, Ryouga-kun?
Sam (slowly able to sputter out a response that sounds like
gagging) : V-very good... y-you're an exce-<wheeze>...excellent
cook-k-k. (staggers up) If you'll <cough> exc-cuse me, I need to
go t-to the bathroom...
 
(Sam casually leaves the room.  As soon as he's out of sight the
family can hear what sounds like running and the slamming of the
bathroom door)
 
Al : Goushii, center me on Sam quick! (vanishes)
Soun (sadly) : Poor Ryouga-kun, he was a good boy...
Ranma : He's a goner.
Nabiki : I think I've got enough to order a pizza.
Akane : Hey!
 
(meanwhile, in the bathroom...)
 
Al (shrugging) : Well, the food LOOKED good, anyway.  Just keep
your head down, Sam.  Take long, deep breaths.
Sam (head over the toilet) : That had to be the most toxic thing
I've ever consumed in my LIFE... Bwwweeeaagghhh!
Al (averting his eyes) : Oh, gross.
Sam (after flushing the toilet) : Al, I want Ziggy to run a check
on someone named P-Chan.  Ranma keeps bringing up that name for
some reason.
Al (looks at his keypad) : Uh, P-Chan, P-Chan... Ah, here it is.
Some little black pig that Akane adopted a while back.
Sam : Ranma's calling me a pig?
 
(suddenly there is a scream and a loud splash from outside.  Sam
quickly shakes away his stomach sickness and bursts out of the
bathroom.  He makes his way to the outside and sees Akane
splashing about in the carp pond)
 
Akane : Gack!  I can't swim!
Sam : Oh my God! (makes a dash for the pond) Hold on, I'm coming!

 
(just as Sam is about to leap into the pond the ground gives out
from under him and he falls onto the grass.  Sam quickly looks up
to see Ranma standing a little ways back with his foot extended)
 
Sam (quickly getting up) : What the hell did you trip me for?!
She's going to DROWN!
Ranma : Ryouga, you moron...  She can't drown in that pond, it's
only two feet deep.
 
(Akane hears Ranma and stops thrashing, then notices that she's
sitting down in the pond.  She climbs out of the pond and regains
her composure, although she's blushing wildly from embarrassment)

 
Sam : What happened?
Ranma : She was trying to force feed me that rubber tire...
Akane : It was broiled octopus, you jerk.
Ranma : ...when she slipped on the rocks and fell into the pond.
Akane : I wouldn't have fallen in the pond in the first place if
you hadn't been chicken enough to RUN AWAY from me!
Ranma : Well, you didn't have to chase me!
 
(Sam rolls his eyes and sits down on the back porch while Ranma
and Akane go at each other again.  Al is standing there watching
them as well)
 
Sam (slumping his head into his hand) : Don't they EVER stop?
Even for just a LITTLE while?
Al : Someone should write a comic book about those two...
Sam (looks at Al) : Please tell me Ziggy has come up with
something, ANYTHING!  I don't think I can take much more of this
Leap...
Al (studies his keypad) : Well, let's see...  No, Ziggy says that
while her database is slowly clearing up she's having trouble
interfacing with her Japanese counterparts to get any useful
data.  Something about time zones...
Sam (exasperated) : This is absolutely ridiculous!  How am I
supposed to save her life if I don't know anything about how she
loses it?
Kasumi (calling from inside the dining room) : Ryouga-kun?
Sam : Yes?
Kasumi : Would you be a dear and help me with cleaning up this
mess?
Sam : Yeah, I'll be there in a sec...
 
(Sam gets up and enters the dining room...  Or what's left of the
dining room; apparently some kind of food fight took place while
he was in the bathroom : the walls and floor are completely caked
in what Akane had spent most of the afternoon cooking.  Sam looks
around wondering why no one else is available to help (or perhaps
just hoping that someone will come to his aid), and discovers
that the rest of the family is dutifully avoiding its chores by
watching television or playing shogi.  Sam sighs and begins to
help Kasumi pick up the mess.  Outside, Ranma and Akane are still
arguing)
 
Akane : Are you saying I'm uncoordinated?
Ranma : Uncoordinated?  Of course not, I'm just saying that
you're the clumsiest person in Japan.
 
(there is a ringing at the main gates.  Ranma runs over to them
(and skillfully dodges the birdbath that Akane throws at him) to
see who it is)
 
Guy on bicycle : Telegram for Ms. Akane Tendo.
Ranma : I'll take that.
Akane (pounding Ranma in the face before he can take hold of the
letter) : I don't think so! (takes the letter from the messenger)
Thank you.
Guy on bicycle (tips his hat) : Don't thank me, ma'am, I'm just
doing my job (rides off into the distance).
 
(Akane opens the telegram and quickly reads the note)
 
Note : "Dear Akane - I must speak to you at once about a very
urgent matter regarding my ailing grandfather.  Meet me at the
Mikado Dam lookout as soon as possible.  Signed, Shinnosuke"
Ranma : Shinnosuke?  Why didn't he just come here instead of
sending a letter?
Akane (angry) : Hey, this letter is private!
 
(Akane quickly runs into the house and puts on a jacket and her
shoes)
 
Ranma : Where are YOU going?
Akane : I'm going to meet Shinnosuke-kun at the Mikado Dam like
he wants.  Why, do you have a problem with that?
Ranma : Of course not, why should I?
Akane : Good.  I'd hate to think you'd suddenly become jealous of
Shinnosuke-kun (closes the gates behind her as she leaves)
Ranma (to himself) : Jealous?  ME?  Hah! (stands around for a
minute, then decides on a course of action) Of course, it
wouldn't hurt to go see what they're talking about... (puts on
his shoes and runs out the gate)
 
(inside, Sam has has just finished tossing the last bits of scrap
into the trash compactor)
 
Kasumi (smiling) : Thank you, Ryouga-kun, that was very helpful.
Sam : No problem.
 
(as Kasumi leaves the room Al pops in with a concerned look on
his face)
 
Sam (notices Al's expression) : You find something?
Al : Ziggy just hit the mother-load, Sam. (reads from his little
computer terminal) In fifty minutes Akane is going to fall into
the Mikado Dam!
Sam : What?!  How?
Al : There's a lookout platform built near the dam's edge.
Apparently it wasn't built very well because when she AND Ranma
stood on it the combined weight caused the thing to snap apart!
There is now a (pushes a few buttons on the terminal) HOLY
SMOKES!!  There's a NINETY-SEVEN percent chance that she will
drown to death in the dam!
Sam : My God...
Al : Ranma tries to dive in after her, but he never finds her and
has to save himself.  After her death, Ranma will blame himself
for the whole thing and fall apart completely, becoming a
hopeless drunkard and ending up married to someone named (keypad
beeps) Kodachi, who completely sucks his life away!
Sam : Then I've got to keep Akane from leaving the house...
Nabiki (walking out of the kitchen with a soft drink) : You're a
little late, Ryouga-kun, she left a few minutes ago.
Al : Oh no!
Sam : Dammit! (runs out of the house as fast as possible)
Nabiki : I wonder what all THAT was about?
 
(Sam bursts out of the gates and looks around the dark streets.
There is absolutely no one in view)
 
Sam : Quick, Al!  How do I get to Mikado Dam?
Al (reading his keypad) : Let's see... Go up the street, turn at
the second left, then go five miles connection terminated...
What?!
Sam : Connection terminated?
Al (hitting his keypad) : No, Ziggy, not now!  Sam, Ziggy's
connection into the Japanese database system has just been cut
off!
Sam : Cut off?!
Al : Their main datatransfer computer wasn't advanced enough to
handle Ziggy's interface.  Their whole system just crashed...
Sam : Good lord, Al, get me the directions to the dam!!  I
haven't got a lot of time!! (thinks for a second) Ask the guy in
the waiting room if he knows where it is!
Al : Good thinking, Sam!  I'll be back in a jif!
 
(Al flips a switch on the keypad and vanishes.  Sam paces about
waiting for about a minute before Al reappears)
 
Al : Alright, Sam, I've brought Ryouga into the imaging chamber
with me.  He's going to give us directions to the dam.
Sam : Great!  So, where to?
Al (appears to chat to the empty space next to him, then looks
back at Sam) : Okay, go down this road...
 
(at the Mikado Dam Akane is standing about on the lookout
platform, trying to shrug off the cold of the night and
ever-so-often looking down the road hoping to spot Shinnosuke.
Unfortunately the road is remaining quite barren of life.  The
only noise is that of the water as it flows into the dam from its
river source and pours through the dam's piping system, crashing
to the river's bottom one-hundred meters below)
 
Akane (to herself) : I hope Shinnosuke-kun didn't forget that he
sent me a letter.  He can be so absent-minded sometimes...
 
(meanwhile in a nearby tree Ranma is sitting on a branch
wondering where Shinnosuke is, as well)
 
Ranma (thinking) : I hope he hurries up!  I'm beginning to freeze
up here! (looks at Akane, who is oblivious to Ranma's presence) I
wish I'd been smart enough to bring a jacket like her...
 
(somewhere in Nerima...)
 
Sam : Are you SURE it's this way?
Al : He's sure that it's south... What?  Make up your mind, you
just said SOUTH!
Sam : This is getting us nowhere, Al.  How much time is left?
Al (looks at the keypad) : Thirty-five minutes. (to the empty
space that is Ryouga) Have you EVER been to this dam before?
Well, then why can't you remember where it is?  You're bad with
directions?! (begins to lose his temper but quickly calms himself
down) Listen, just PICK a direction, okay?  THERE, that wasn't so
hard, was it? (to Sam) Alright, head due east!
Sam (dubious) : Due east... (begins to run)
 
(Back at the dam...)
 
Akane : Where IS he?
Ranma (to himself) : Good question... <YAWN!> Good grief, I'm
tired.  Well, it can't be much longer.  I'll just hold out until
he gets here. (Ranma begins to nod off)
 
(Back in Nerima...)
Al : Now take a left.
Sam (completely out of breath) : No!  Al, I've been running
around <pant> for almost half-an-hour and I've gotten NOWHERE!
This is only two blocks from the Tendo dojo... I've been running
around in circles!  Get <gasp> rid of that guy and try to
initiate some kind of satellite hookup with the Japanese
historical archives, or use a telephone or SOMETHING!  But I need
something RELIABLE!
Al : Alright, Sam.
 
(Al turns to Ryouga, who is looking about trying to figure out
where exactly he has led Dr. Beckett at this point.  Ryouga is
wearing a white form-fitting bodysuit)
 
Al : Sorry, kid.  We're going to have to find some other way of
getting directions to the Mikado Dam.
Ryouga : I'm sure I can find it.  Just give me a little while
longer, I'll-
Al (angry) : We don't have time for you to guess your way around
this city!!  In TWENTY MINUTES a young girl is going to DIE, and
I'll be damned if it's because we got LOST trying to find her!!
Ryouga : A young girl?
Al : I think you know her - Akane Tendo.
Ryouga (staggers as though he's just been shot) : AKANE?!
Akane's going to DIE?!!
Al : She's going to drown after falling into the Mikado Dam, but
we can't rescue her because we can't find it!!  Now I don't know
what kind of problem you have finding your way around the world,
but you're our only source of information right now, and if you
can't help us then you'll just be in the way, so either be of
some real help or leave!!
 
(Ryouga grits his teeth and clenches his fists tightly, so
tightly that the blood stops circulating within them.  Akane.
Akane's going to die!  Akane's going to die, and it's going to be
because he got lost again!  Tears begin to form in his eyes as he
shakes with anger at himself, at his own feelings of helplessness
and fear.  Of all the times in the universe this is the most
crucial and he's only in the way!  If he could only force himself
to remember the way to the dam!  If only he could remember which
way to go!  For Akane-san's sake, if only he could remember...
Suddenly an image forms in Ryouga's mind.  An image of...)
 
Ryouga : THE DAM!!  I know the way!!
Al : Are you SURE?  I mean ABSOLUTELY SURE?!
Ryouga (confident) : I'm SURE, dammit!!  Tell your friend to
follow my directions!!
Sam : Well, Al?  Have you got anything yet?!
Al (hesitant for a moment, then answers) : We got it.
 
(Things are still quiet at the Mikado Dam.  Akane's bouncing
around on the platform trying to generate some heat but it's only
having minimal success.  Shinnosuke sent a telegram, a rather
urgent-sounding one at that, so why isn't he here yet?  Suddenly
Akane hears what sounds like the rustling of leaves.  She turns
around and hears noises coming from the nearby trees.  Getting
into a defensive stance she is about to go check out the noise
when suddenly...)
 
Ranma : Waaaagghh! (falls out of the tree and lands in a bush)
Akane : Ranma?!
Ranma (getting up and caressing his neck) : Ow!  I knew I
shouldn't have fallen asleep in that tree...
Akane : What are YOU doing here?!
Ranma : I just felt like seeing what Shinnosuke had to say.  I
guess he decided to stand you up.
Akane : He'll be here.  I know he's dependable... Say, I know why
you're here!  You were jealous!!
Ranma (annoyed) : Jealous?  ME?!!  Why should I be jealous?!
Akane : Just admit it, Ranma!
Ranma (walks out of the brush and across the street, stopping
five feet from the platform) : What should I admit?!  I wasn't
jealous!!  Why should I be jealous just because Shinnosuke likes
a tomboy like YOU?!
Akane : I'd rather be a tomboy than a gender-switching pervert!!
Ranma (stepping towards Akane in anger) : You know something,
Akane? I've can't believe I ever said it...
 
(suddenly Sam sprints out from down the street and runs as fast
as he can to the twosome)
 
Sam : Get away from the platform!!!
Ranma (steps onto the platform) : ... BUT I'M SORRY I EVER SAID
YOU WERE CUTE!!!
 
(as soon as Ranma finishes his statement the support beams for
the platform shatter into little shards of metal and the whole
thing topples over.  Akane screams and claws onto the surface in
an effort to keep from slipping, but the platform is too slick
and Akane slowly slides down.  Ranma is able to grab one of the
remaining support frames and sees Akane five feet below him in
danger of falling)
 
Ranma (stretching out his arm) : Akane!!  Grab my hand!!!
Akane : I can't... hold on... Ranma!!
 
(Ranma tries to lower himself so that Akane can get a hold of his
hand.  Akane looks down and sees the drop below -- thirty feet
into the rushing water as it heads into the dam's piping system.
She clenches her eyes shut and tries to keep herself from moving)

 
Ranma : Akane, you've got to open your eyes and look at me!!
Take my HAND!!
Akane : I c-can't!  I'll fall!!
Ranma (stretching a little bit further down) : C'mon, Akane...!
 
(Akane opens one eye and slowly tries to reach out to Ranma, but
she loses her grip and her body slides off the platform.  She
grabs the edge with her hands but her grip is bad and she's
losing her hold)
 
Akane (both eyes open wide now) : RANMA!!
Ranma (stretching as far as he possibly can and reaching for her
hands) : Just... a little... more...
 
(Ranma makes a quick grab for her wrists but is too late.
Akane's fingers lose their hold and she falls into the rapid
waters below.  Running, Sam sees her and dives off the edge into
the waters below)
 
Ranma : AKANE!!
 
(Ranma lets go of the support beam and follows Sam into the cold
water.  Sam bobs out of the water and looks around but he sees no
sign of Ranma or Akane)
 
Sam (trying to keep his head above the rushing water) : Al, it's
too dark!  I can't find her!!
Al (hovering just above the water and cross-checking his computer
terminal) : Found her, Sam!  She's twenty feet ahead of you and
thirteen feet under the water.
 
(Sam pushes his arms as hard as he can and tries to overtake
Akane.  Al redirects him if he gets too far away, and eventually
Sam is able to make his way through the freezing water and catch
up to her.  He dives down into the water and somehow is able to
drag her back to the water's surface)
 
Sam : She's unconscious, Al!
Al : You're going to have to worry about that later, Sam!!
(points ahead to the dam, which is now only thirty seconds away)
Sam : Dammit! (struggles unsuccessfully against the current) If
we get sucked into the pipe system we'll be spat out over the
cliff-face!
 
(Sam tries to swim with all his might but he's still rapidly
moving along with the water.  He's about to get sucked into the
pipes when suddenly a figure in the water grabs him by the shirt
and slows the water's pull on him)
 
Sam : Ranma?!
Ranma (paddling as fast as possible) : Who else, dummy?
Sam (notices that they're still being drawn into the dam) : We're
not going to make it!!
Ranma (turning around) : Then we're going to have to go through
it!  HOLD ON!!
 
(for a second Sam could swear that Ranma's voice has changed and
that his hair has turned red, but he quickly dismisses it as the
affects of hypothermia working on his body.  He follows Ranma's
instructions and holds on tightly to both Ranma and Akane)
 
Ranma (holding arms out at the swiftly oncoming dam) : HOUKO
TAKABISHYA!!!
 
(an amazing burst of energy flies from Ranma's hands and strikes
the dam, ripping a large hole through it and changing the
direction of the current.  The threesome are swept through the
large hole along with the water.  In one swift move Ranma quickly
removes Sam's belt and flings it upwards, latching it onto a
guard railing and suspending the group over the hundred-meter
fall.  Slowly Ranma hoists all three up until they are back onto
the dry road overlooking the dam trying to catch their breaths)
 
Sam (gasping for air) : That was <cough> s-some of the most
AMAZING physical f-feats I have ever...
 
(Ranma and Sam take a good look at each other.  Sam notes that
whoever this is she looks exactly like Ranma except that she has
red hair)
 
Sam : Who...?
Red-haired girl (interrupting Sam and looking completely and
utterly amazed) : Ryouga!  You didn't...!!  You're still...!!
How come you haven't...?!!
 
(the girl never gets a chance to finish talking.  A large crack
originating from the hole in the dam makes its way across the
street and ruptures a steam pipe between Sam and the girl.  Sam
quickly leans over Akane to protect her from the scalding water,
which decides to subside almost as quickly as it started but not
before it soaks him and the strange girl.  Sam quickly checks
Akane for any signs of injury; aside from extremely cold skin and
some inhaled water she should be fine with a few days of rest.
Sam looks back over to where the red-haired girl is.  And sees
Ranma sitting in her place with a scald-marks all over his arms
and face.  Hypothermia.  That has to be it.  Sam was
hallucinating due to hypothermia)
 
Sam : Ranma?  Are you okay?
Ranma (frazzled by all the hot water) : Y-yeah... (Ranma quickly
regains his senses and looks at Akane) AKANE!!  Is she--?
Sam (calming him down) : Don't worry, she's going to be fine, she
just needs a warm bath and some rest.
 
(Ranma gets up and goes over to an unconscious Akane and looks
her over carefully.  For a second Sam sees what might be a tear
coming from Ranma's eye... Ranma picks up Akane in his arms, then
looks at Sam)
 
Ranma : Um... Listen, Ryouga.  I may have said some... er... rude
things to you in the past, and I'll probably say them to you
again in the future, but... uh... but for now... (holds out a
hand) Thanks, Ryouga.  I'm really glad you were here.
Sam (takes Ranma's hand) : Take care of her.
 
(Ranma walks down the street back to the Tendo dojo.  Sam stays
behind so that he can talk with Al)
 
Al : Jeeze, that was a close one...
Sam : No kidding!  I was beginning to see things back there.
Al : Hah, YOU were seeing things?!  My nerves were so shot you
wouldn't BELIEVE what I hallucinated!
Sam : What?
Al : Well, something screwy was fiddling with the old noggin
because as soon as you hit the water I thought I saw Ryouga here
turn into a little black PIG! (turns and talks the invisible
Ryouga) Can you BELIEVE that?  A pig!  (to Sam) I guess I calmed
down after that steam valve doused you, because I stopped seeing
things at THAT point. (laughs, then looks at Ryouga with
curiosity) Hey, are you alright?  You're sweating...
 
(Sam walks over and inspects the remaining wreckage of the
lookout platform)
 
Sam : So is that IT?  Did I fix history once and for all?
Al (reads his little flashing keypad) : Yep, she lives... No
problem.
Sam : No problems, huh...
Al : You sound skeptical, Sam.
Sam (pointing at the broken support beams) : Look carefully at
these beams, Al.
Al (looks at the beams) : Boy, there sure are a lot of nicks in
those things!
Sam : Yeah, nicks... Al, someone SABOTAGED these beams.
Al : What?!  Who'd want to do that?
Sam (looking curiously at the beams) : What is THIS?
Al : What do you see?
Sam (catching some kind of glint from within the wreckage) : It
almost looks like a small piece of metal... (slowly Sam reaches
for the item when...)
 
(a bright blue and white flash lights the sky, and with a whine
that sounds like a blast of air the ground falls out from under
Doctor Sam Beckett as he loses sight of the world and Leaps...)
 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                        End  -  Part  Two
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                       Formula  119  presents...
 
Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime,
Doctor Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator, and
vanished...  He awoke to find him trapped in the past, facing
mirror images that were not his own, and driven by an unknown
force to change history for the better.  His only guide on this
journey is Al, a man from his own time who appears in the form of
a hologram that only Sam can see and hear.  And so Doctor Beckett
finds himself Leaping from life to life, striving to put right
what once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next Leap...
will be the Leap home...
 
(there is an incredible flash of blue and white light followed by
the immediate dying down of the strange whining sound that
accompanies every Leap.  The feelings of nausea and euphoria
vanish as Doctor Sam Beckett feels the ground slam itself beneath
his feet.  Sensations of dizziness are replaced with the feelings
of disorientation and fear which he always feels when being
tossed into the life of yet another person that history has
somehow wronged.  The sound of chattering people comes from all
directions, accompanied by the clanking of utensils on dishes.
Sam quickly notices by the stinging of his arms that he's
carrying four steaming bowls of ramen noodles, and looks about
quickly trying to figure out just where exactly they're supposed
to go)
 
Sam (to himself) : So I'm in a restaurant...
Voice : Incoming!
Sam : Eh?
 
(Sam turns around and is immediately hit in the face by a flying
bowl of noodles.  He immediately loses his footing and trips
backwards, upending a table and dropping all the bowls of ramen
to the floor.  Sam eventually finds himself sitting on the floor,
which is strewn with soggy noodles and broken bits of ceramic
bowls.  On his head is an upended bowl of soup, the piping hot
liquid streaming down his face and onto the floor.  Sam grits his
teeth and ignores the scalding soup, looking around the room; all
the patrons of the restaurant stare back at him)
 
Customer : Um, do I still have to pay for my soup, ma'am?
Sam : Oh boy...
 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                  R    A    N    M    A     1/2
 
                      A  LEAP  AND  A  HALF
 
 
                      Written  by  BENARES
 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 
 
Official disclaimer : Quantum Leap is the property of Universal
                        Pictures
                      Ranma 1/2 is the property of Rumiko
                        Takahashi
 
 
                       Part  Three  of  Three
                           June 11, 1992
 
(Sam clambers back to his feet, shaking off as much of the food
and liquid from his body as possible.  The customers are still
gawking at him)
 
Sam (annoyed) : What are YOU looking at? (the patrons quickly go
back to eating)
 
(Sam gets some footing and moves over to a wall, leaning on it
for support as he tries to ignore the throbbing pain in his head)

 
Old voice : Are you alright, granddaughter?
Sam (groggy) : Huh?
 
(Sam looks about trying to find where the voice came from but
sees no one.  Until he looks down)
 
Sam (startled as he sees what appears to be a two-foot tall troll
with long white hair and a gnarled cane) : Aaaaagh!
Troll (growing concerned) : I asked are you okay?
Sam (regains his composure) : Uh, yeah... no... My head hurts.
Troll : Perhaps you should take a break.
Sam : Thanks.
Troll : Oh, by the way, I'm going to double our training time
tonight. Apparently your reflexes need some extra work if you
couldn't make a simple catch like that.
Sam (thinking) : Simple?!  I was holding four bowls of noodles!
 
(suddenly a man with long black hair wearing white robes and a
pair of incredibly thick glasses runs up to Sam and gloms onto
him with all his might)
 
Sam (choking) : Ugh!
Man in white : Oh my darling!!  Are you alright?!!
Sam (trying unsuccessfully to break the man's grip) : Y-yeah,
thanks f-for asking...
 
(there is the sound of a loud THUMP and the man immediately lets
go of Sam, collapsing to the floor with the end of the troll's
cane buried in his head)
 
Troll (to the man) : Stop goofing around and get back to work!
(to Sam in a worried tone) Perhaps we shouldn't train tonight
after all.  You must be feeling pretty awful to have actually let
him grab onto you like that.  Take the rest of the day off, we'll
take care of the cafe.
 
(Sam is too disoriented to bother answering.  He finds his way to
the back of the restaurant and is able to find the bathroom, then
enters and shuts the door behind him.  Behind the door is a
full-body mirror and the first thing Sam notices is the soup bowl
still on his head.  Sam removes the bowl and looks into his
reflection : before him stands a beautiful young woman wearing a
Chinese waitress outfit and sporting an incredible head of purple
hair.  Her stunning appearance is only marred by the huge bump on
her head as well as the soup and many noodles on her)
 
Al (walking through the bathroom wall and shamelessly gawking at
Sam's reflection) : Wow, I wonder if ALL her hair is purple...
Sam : Al!
Al (looks at Sam) : Ooh, what happened to you?
Sam (looking at his reflection and poking at the huge red bruise
on his head) : A little accident involving a flying bowl of mizo
soup...  Where am I?
Al : Mizo soup?  Oh, your location...!  Um, it is (reads his
little keypad) June 11, 1992, and your name is Shampoo...
Shampoo... (hits the keypad) Oh, I see, you don't have a last
name.  She comes from China, specifically the... (eyes light up)
the Woman Amazon Tribe of Joketsuzoku, oh-ho-ho...
Sam (hearing Al's libido shift into overdrive) : Down, boy.
(washing his face in hot water from the sink) Anything else?
Al : You are seventeen, work at a restaurant called the
"Nekohanten"...
Sam : What about those people out there?  Who are they?
Al : The, um, the man in the white kimono is some guy called
Mousse; wow, he's supposed to be some kind of hidden weapons
specialist... (looks at the keypad some more) Aw, Shampoo hates
his guts, poor guy.
Sam : Mousse?  As in SHAMPOO and MOUSSE?!  The stuff you put in
your hair?
Al : And the little wrinkly thing with the big stick is your
great-grandmother --
Sam : No, wait, let me guess... Her name is Lotion, right?
Al : Uh, no, that's her sister's name.  Her GRANDMOTHER'S name is
Cologne, but you can just call her Hibachan <grandmother in
Japanese>.
Sam (tapping the sink) : Shampoo... Why does that name sound
familiar?
Al : You don't remember?
Sam : Remember what?
Al : Your memory must be a little swiss-cheesed.  Remember Akane?
Ranma?  That little thing with the dam?
Sam (concentrating) : Wait... it's coming back to me... (opens
eyes wide) Al, I'm STILL in Japan!!
Al : Uh-huh.
Sam (looks at Al) : I hope you aren't going to tell me what I
THINK you're going to tell me...
Al : Yep.  Just like the two times before we don't have ANY
reason why you're here.
Sam (sits down on a nearby stool) : Alright, I think we can
already guess that whatever I'm here to do it's going to SOMEHOW
involve Ranma and Akane ... I suppose I've got to try and figure
out why I keep coming back here.
Al : Right.  In the meantime, I'm going to take a look at our
guest.  I hear Chinese acrobats are REALLY limber...
Sam : What?  Al, she's only seventeen!
Al (disappointed) : Well, a guy can daydream, can't he?
Sam (annoyed) : When you go back I want you to set up Ziggy with
backup links into the Japanese central historical archive's
computers. I don't want to be left in the dark like last time.
 
(Al flips a switch on his computer terminal and the magic sheet
of white exiting the imaging chamber opens up.  Al steps in and
with a loud WHOOSH the door slides shut.  Sam sighs and disrobes,
washing himself off in the shower and changing into something
drier, a maroon blouse and pants combination with yellow floral
designs)
 
Sam (to himself as he finishes buttoning the top) : Amazing.  No
matter who I Leap into their clothing always seems to fit me...
Cologne (calling through the door) : Shampoo, are you alright?
Sam (opening the door) : I'm fine, Hibachan.
Cologne : Well, I want you to take it easy, nonetheless.  Just
make one last delivery and then you can call it a day.
Sam : A delivery?  Uh, where to?
Cologne (handing Sam the order slip) : The Tendo house.  Akane is
cooking tonight and they need a backup supply for dinner.
Sam (remembers his last encounter with Akane's cooking and
shudders) : I'll get right on it.
 
(Cologne hands Sam the box holding the Tendo's order of ribs and
vegetables, then heads back into the kitchen.  Sam steps outside
the Nekohanten and tries to figure out where he is in relation to
the Tendo dojo.  The sky is beginning to darken from the lateness
of the day, and the thick gray clouds above in unison with the
humidity practically scream rain.  Sam sees a bicycle locked up
outside the Nekohanten and assumes that it's Shampoo's, but he is
forced to go the distance on foot since he doesn't know the
combination for the lock.  After walking around aimlessly for a
few blocks Sam is able to find a familiar spot and trace his way
to the Tendo dojo from there)
 
Sam (ringing the door bell) : Home again, home again, jiggity
jog.
 
(like usual, the sounds of Akane and Ranma talking (and yelling,
and arguing, and complaining) can be heard from inside the gate)
 
Sam (to himself) : I wonder if they've actually stopped since
I've been gone... (the gate opens)
Nabiki : It's about time you got here.  I hope you don't expect
me to pay full price for cold food.
Sam : Er, no, I guess not...
 
(Sam follows Nabiki into the house.  Sam is now able to see the
cause of all the ruckus -- Akane has once again made dinner, and
Ranma is once again refusing to take a bite from the meal.  Sam's
attention is immediately attuned to the large mass of black and
white fur sitting at the dinner table.  The large panda just
looks back.  Akane's attention is quickly redirected from Ranma
as she sees Sam enter the room.  Sam can practically hear her
growl from the other side)
 
Akane : What's SHE doing here?!
Sam : Someone here ordered ribs.  I was just --
Nabiki (looking in the meal box) : Jeeze, this meal's practically
freezing!
Akane : Nabiki-onechan, you ordered food from HER?
Soun : Please pass me the carrots.
Panda (holds up a sign with writing on it) : [Two ribs over here,
please.]
Kasumi : I think I'll have the green beans.
Akane : Traitors. (looks back at Ranma) Oh well, I guess that
just means more for you.
Ranma (waving his arms about) : No way!
 
(Akane grapples Ranma to the ground and tries to pry his mouth
open with a pair of chopsticks.  It's at about this time that
they have realized something)
 
Akane : Why hasn't Shampoo tried to stop me yet?
Ranma (trying to break Akane's iron grip) : I don't know but I
wish she'd hurry up!
Akane : What?!
Sam (deciding to avoid the impending fight and stepping back for
the door) : Well, I guess I'll be going...
 
(as soon as Sam opens the door a huge crack of lightening rips
across the sky and out of nowhere rain begins to pour down hard)
 
Sam : Great, rain.
Akane (looks at Sam in annoyance) : Why are YOU still here?
Nabiki : You can't expect her to go back in the rain, Akane-chan.

Akane : Why not?
Kasumi : She can stay overnight until the rain subsides.
Akane AND Ranma : What?
Sam (to Kasumi) : I wouldn't want to be any trouble (Akane and
Ranma are somewhat jostled by this comment).
Kasumi : Nonsense.  I'll prepare a bed for you (goes upstairs).
Akane : She's plotting something.  I just know it.
 
(the evening proceeds with surprising silence.  Akane is watching
every move Sam makes, while Ranma is trying to figure out why he
hasn't been hit on once throughout the entire evening.  Sam, on
the other hand, is wondering why he is such an item of curiosity.
Ranma is obviously trying to get his attention for some reason,
and seems somewhat concerned whenever Sam doesn't oblige him with
some form of response.  At about ten o'clock Al walks in while
the family gets ready for bed)
 
Sam : How's the search going?
Al : I was about to ask you the same question.
Sam : All I found out is that Akane hates Shampoo, Ranma wants me
to pay more attention to him, and that these people own a panda
bear that can write in Japanese.
Al (surprised) : Oh.  Well, I haven't found out all that much
myself...
Sam : Did you get anything out of Shampoo?
Al : Nothing.  Her memory is totally swiss-cheesed, she can't
even remember her own name.
Sam (burying his head in his hands) : I can't stand this.
Al (looks a little worried) : Uh, there is ONE thing I forgot to
mention...
Sam (looks up) : This ISN'T good news, is it?
Al (shakes his head) : Ziggy predicts that whenever IT happens,
IT being the change in history, it's going to continue to
INCREASE in magnitude.
Sam : Meaning...?
Al : Meaning that things are only going to get worse.  MUCH
worse.
Sam (sighing) : Why doesn't that surprise me?
 
(outside the room the entire Tendo household is spying on Sam as
he seems to hold a conversation with absolutely no one but
himself)
 
Panda : Sign - [What's she DOING?]
Akane : I didn't know she could speak English...
Ranma : She's sure been acting weird all night.
Nabiki : You're just upset because she won't hit on you.
Soun and Akane : What?!
Ranma (sweating) : Well, uh, it IS strange, isn't it? (Soun and
Akane can't argue with this; Ranma shoots Nabiki an ugly glance)
Al (suddenly noticing the family looking on) : Uh-oh...
Sam : What? (looks behind him and catches a quick glimpse of the
Tendos as they obviously try to become inconspicuous; Sam slumps)
Great, now they must think that Shampoo has gone nuts...
 
(Kasumi comes in and ushers everyone off to bed.  Kasumi prepares
Sam a temporary bed in her room; Akane threatens Ranma about
finding Shampoo in his bed, prompting Sam to question Ziggy's
prediction about the two getting married once more.  As Sam heads
up stairs whispering to Al the phone rings downstairs)
 
Ranma (picks up the phone) : Tendo residence... Uk-Chan? (becomes
concerned) What's wrong?
 
Al (keypad begins to whine) : Huh? (looks at the readout) It's
happening, Sam!
Sam : Quick, what's Ziggy say?
 
Ranma : Er, well, it's kind of late; can't this wait until
morning?  You sure?
 
Al (eyes grow wide) : Oh man, this is bad!  This is very, VERY
bad!!
Sam : Quick, Al, the readout!
 
Ranma : Okay.  AND Akane? (sighs) All right, we'll be over soon.

 
Al : In an HOUR both Ranma AND Akane are going to DIE!
 
Ranma : Yeah.  Bye. (hangs up the phone)
Akane : What was that about?
Ranma : Uk-Chan wants to see both of us.
Akane : What?  Now?  It's raining outside.
Ranma : She sounded upset and said it was an emergency.
Akane : Oh my, I hope nothing's wrong.
 
Sam : PLEASE tell me you've got specifics!
Al : Have I got SPECIFICS!  Ranma and Akane are found in an
abandoned building four miles from here with gunshot wounds!!
Sam : Oh my God!
Al : That's not all!  You remember that girl with the large
spatula that Tsubasa was going on about?
Sam : Yeah, her name was, um, Ukyou...
Al : Well, the cops find the gun and the fingerprints on it are
HERS!  At the trial she breaks down on the witness stand saying
something about not being sure if she was innocent or not, and
there are  witnesses that claim to have seen her in the wrong
place at the wrong time.  In the end she's convicted of murder
one, sentenced to life imprisonment. (looks at the keypad as the
new information floods onto the screen) Oh no...
Sam (notices his friend's expression) : This can't get any WORSE,
Al...
Al : It just did.  Sam, Shampoo's body is also found in the
building...
Sam : But right now I'M --
Al : Exactly. With the deaths of Ranma and Akane the Tendo family
completely falls to pieces.  Ryouga goes into a state of total
shock and never recovers.  And with Shampoo gone Mousse
completely deteriorates into nothing...
Sam : What would compel Ukyou to kill Ranma, Akane and Shampoo?!
Al : I don't know.  According to Ziggy's personality profile of
her she's a very sweet, caring person.  It doesn't make sense!
Sam (running down the stairs) : I've got to keep an eye on Ranma
and Akane!  I have to make sure that they don't... (gets to the
bottom of the stairs.  No one is there) ... leave. (Sam searches
about the house but Ranma and Akane are gone)
Kasumi : Ranma and Akane?  They just left.  I think they
mentioned something about visiting with Ukyou.
Sam : Did they say where?
Kasumi : I'm afraid not.  Sorry.
Sam : Thanks, Kasumi!
 
(Sam runs out of the house.  The rain has stopped for the moment,
although the darkening thunder clouds and the ever-present flash
of light in the night sky shows that this is only an
intermission; the show will start again soon enough)
 
Sam : Can you figure out how far away they are?
Al : With all the lightning activity it's impossible to pinpoint
them; there's too many heat signatures.  You're just going to
have to get to the building as fast as possible and hope that
you're in time.
Sam : Then lead me in the right direction, Al.
 
(the scene shifts to an old ten story building.  Around it are
fences with signs saying "Keep out" and the like.  The building
is in terrible condition - part of the north wall is totally
gone, leaving only inner framework to show where it had once
been, while the remaining structure is crumbling and decayed. On
the front entryway is a sign stating that the building is due for
demolition in a few months)
 
Akane : Are you SURE this is where she wanted to meet us?
Ranma : Old building on corner of Hornet and Kato, fence around
it; this is the place, alright.
Akane : I wonder why she would want to meet us here...
Ukyou (waving from within the building) : Akane!  Ranma!  Over
here!
Ranma (running up to Ukyou with Akane following) : Uk-Chan!
What's all this about?
Ukyou : It's really important!  You've got to come inside and see
this!
 
(Ukyou leads Ranma and Akane deep into the building.  She
maneuvers them through a series of rooms and up a number of
floors.  With each turn she takes them the building grows darker.
Both Akane and Ranma are disoriented from all the moving about
and have to rely on following each other by sound)
 
Akane (squinting to see through the pitch black) : Ranma?  Ukyou?
I can barely see you!  What are we supposed to -- (suddenly there
is a loud THUMP and then what sounds like a body hitting the
ground)
Ranma : Akane? (calling out) Akane, where are you?!
Ukyou : Hold on, Ranma, I've got a lamp.
 
(there is the sound of metal turning, and then the room brightens
up.  Ranma is startled to see Akane sprawled out on the ground)
 
Ranma : AKANE!! (runs over to and inspects her unconscious body;
he finds a large bruise on her forehead) What in the universe
caused THAT?!
Ukyou (innocently) : I don't know!  Maybe it was THIS!
 
(Ranma turns about and suddenly he feels an incredible pain in
his skull as everything goes black.  Ranma falls limp to the
ground next to Akane.  Standing above them is Ukyou with a nasty
grin on her face and a .357 revolver in her hand)
 
Ukyou : Oops!  I hope that didn't HURT! (laughs)
 
(Ukyou drags Ranma's unconscious body to the top floor, then runs
back down and brings up Akane, laying her right next to him.
Most of the walls on this floor are gone, disintegrated with age.
Outside the rain begins to fall down and the thunder crashes even
louder.  Ukyou is loading the gun while whistling an old Nat Cole
tune)
 
Ukyou (making a quick check on the gun) : Oh, this is soooo
sweet.  The happy pistol-whipped couple sleeping soundly
together, it just brings a tear to my eye. (cocks the gun) Oh
well, that's life. (aims the gun at Ranma's head) You don't know
how long I've been trying to do this.  Sayonara, you little
basta--
 
(out of nowhere Sam bursts up out of the staircase and plows
right into Ukyou as she pulls the trigger.  The bullet misses
Ranma by a foot.  Ukyou and Sam go down and the two roll off of
each other.  Ukyou still has the gun in hand)
 
Ukyou (crossing her arms) : Well, well, well, if it isn't lil'
ol' Shampoo.
Sam : Ukyou, what are you doing?!
Ukyou : What does it look like I'm doing?  I'm going to kill
Ranma, then Akane, and then you... or maybe I'll just kill you
first (raises the gun).
Sam (edging towards Ukyou) : Look, we can talk about this.
They're your friends, why are you trying to kill them?
Ukyou : Why?  'Cause I want to.
Al : She's going to shoot, Sam!  Do something QUICK!
 
(Sam makes a dash for Ukyou, but not before she pulls the trigger
and delivers a bullet into his side.  Sam grimaces in pain but
still crashes into her with all of his strength, knocking the gun
from her hand and tearing away the large spatula strapped to her
back.  The two crash into the ground, and immediately the
floorboards beneath them give way, sending the two into the story
below.  In the fall Ukyou manages to turn Sam around and forces
him to take the brunt of the impact when the two hit.  Ukyou
quickly pulls out one her sharp throwing spatulas and tries to
drive it into Sam's neck, but Sam grabs her arm in an effort to
hold her back.  Suddenly there is a bright flash of blue and
white light as the two touch skin-to-skin, and in that instant
Ukyou's features change... Her hair turns black and shortens into
tight curls, her skin and eyes turn dark brown, and her entire
body becomes masculine, until...)
 
Al : What the HELL?!
Sam : My God, who are YOU?!
Black man : Your worst nightmare, sucker!
 
(the black man belts him across the face a couple of times; Sam
quickly responds and knees the man in the groin.  The man rolls
off of Sam in pain, giving Sam a chance to get up and get some
footing.  The black man gets up and laughs at Sam)
 
Sam (spitting out some blood and clutching at his side) : You're
another Leaper, aren't you?
Black man (smiling) : Wow, I can see how you earned your PhD, my
good Doctor Beckett!
Sam (angry) : Who are you?!
Black man : My, my, we take a little bullet wound and we get
testy, eh?  You don't know me, but I know YOU!  Oh, how I KNOW
YOU!!  You can call me Timms...
Sam : Timms?  I've heard that name before... (suddenly remembers)
When I was with Alea.  She mentioned your name, but I couldn't
see who she was talking about... She was talking about YOU.  You
were Zoe's hologram!
Timms : WAS is the right word!  It's because she screwed up that
Lothos put me in this stupid little game!  He gave me ONE
mission, just one...
Sam : You were sent to kill me.
Timms : So now I get to play Leaper and screw up people's lives.
Sure, sounds fun, but I can never be myself again!  I've got to
be all these OTHER people (points at the blue okonomiyaki cook's
outfit he's wearing) and I HATE it!  I hate losing my memory with
every Leap!  I hate having absolutely no control over my life!
And so, I hate YOU, Doctor Beckett, because YOU'RE the reason I'm
HERE!!
Sam : Lothos sent you back in time just to get me?  You were
going to kill those kids, ruin all those people's lives, just to
kill ME?!
Timms (shrugs) : Hey, we knew you'd have to show up sooner or
later, trying to "put right what once went wrong".  It was just a
matter of time until it worked (gets into a muay thai offensive
stance).
Al : You stinking NOZZLE!  If I could actually touch you I'd
break your lousy JAW!
Sam (moves into a tae kuan do defensive stance) : You make me
sick!  Is human life so unimportant to you?!
Timms : Oh well, it's a job.
 
(Timms delivers a swift kick to Sam's jaw.  Sam blocks but is too
weak from his injuries to fully resist the kick and staggers
slightly.  Timms takes the opportunity and delivers a series of
swift punches to Sam's gut.  Coughing out blood, Sam hooks a leg
behind Timms and drives him into the ground, grappling him by the
neck and locking his arms under his body. Timms struggles for
air, then arches his back and locks his legs around Sam's neck,
forcing Sam to release him.  Timms gets up to his feet and knees
Sam in the jaw before he can get up.  Sam tangles his legs
between Timms and trips him, then rolls away as fast as he can to
get his breath)
 
Timms (getting up relatively undamaged) : Say, you're pretty
good!  I would've splattered any other guy's brains all over the
ground by now, but you're actually still standing... well,
relatively standing, anyway.
 
(Sam is desperately trying to regain his senses before
confronting Timms again.  His left eye is swollen shut and his
body is riddled with bruises, possibly a broken rib or two.
Timms sees this but decides to play around with his prey a little
bit)
 
Sam : It-it all makes sense now... You were the a-anomaly
changing history, and all the while you were disguised as Ukyou!
Timms : Bingo!  Leapt into her sometime on Christmas eve, I
think.  Lothos was able to keep Leaping me into her whenever you
messed up his little plans.
Sam : First you tried to humiliate Ranma by giving those two
presents to the other girls...
Timms : Ah, that was Lothos' idea.  He has this thing about
destroying a family from the inside out.  A little wimpy for my
tastes, but it still usually works pretty well.
Sam : Then you lured A-Akane to the dam with that phony letter
and sabotaged the railing.  You used Ukyou's little blade weapons
to cut the support beams for the lookout puh-platform...
Al : So that's what that piece of metal you saw was.
Sam : ...and now this!
Timms (proud) : THIS part was MY idea.  Sure, it may be a little
violent and not very subtle, but I thought it worked out the
best.  This way EVERYONE gets screwed!
Sam : You knew that as soon as you killed R-Ranma and Akane you'd
Leap, leaving Ukyou holding the gun.
Timms : Great, isn't it?  Her fingerprints would replace mine,
and she finds herself holding a gun over two of her dead friends.

Al : You RAT!
Sam : You are the most disgusting creature I've ever <cough> met!

Timms (advancing on Sam) : Sticks and stone might break my bones,
but my fists are going to break YOURS. (Sam tries to stagger
away)
Al : Sam, the GUN!  It's still on the floor above you! (Sam nods
weakly and climbs the staircase.  Timms is just walking behind
him, not concerned with overtaking him)
Timms (laughing) : What's this?  Are we trying to make a break
for the gun?  Uh-oh, I'd better hurry!
 
(Sam ignores Timms' taunting and tries to grab the gun which is
laying on the floor next to the hole in the floorboards.  Sam is
able to get a hold of the pistol, but as soon as his fingers
grasp the handle Timms slams his foot on Sam's hand.  Sam yells
out in pain as Timms pulls the gun away from him)
 
Timms : Sorry, Doctor Beckett.  I guess you were just too slow...

 
(Timms kicks Sam in the head sending him sprawling across the
room.  When he finally stops Sam's face is caked with blood now
and his hand is somewhat mangled.  Timms walks up to Sam while
checking the gun for any damage, but Sam isn't moving)
 
Al (yelling) : SAM!!  SAM, GET UP!!!  This guy is going to kill
you if you don't get up, and then he's going to kill those kids
and destroy their families!!!
Sam (barely intelligible) : Al...
Timms : Al?  Oh, that's right, your hologram's around here
somewhere, isn't he?
Al : Sam, you've got to get up!!  All these people are counting
on you!!  Their lives are in your hands, and you're the only
thing that can save them!!
Timms (calling out) : You there, Al?  I know you can see and hear
me!  It must be pretty awful knowing that you can't do anything
for your good Doctor Beckett, being a hologram and all...
Al : Why you lousy sack of crap...!
Timms : ...but in the end you can always tell yourself that it
wouldn't have mattered if you WERE here, because you can't beat
the best, (to Sam) and I, good doctor, am the BEST!! (stands
directly over Sam and holds the gun over his head)
Al : SAM!!!  DO SOMETHING!!!
 
(just before Timms can pull the trigger Sam drives both his arms
outward and strikes Timms' legs, driving them apart and forcing
him to lose his balance.  As he falls back Sam grabs his legs and
thrusts upwards.  With a loud WHAM Timms slams into the ground
head first.  Sam quickly leaps onto Timms and begins to deliver a
series of three-inch blows to his chest and face)
 
Timms : That's it, now you've made me MAD! (punches Sam as hard
as he can and slams him in his bullet wound.  Sam buckles over in
pain as Timms gets back up and readies his gun) Obviously I gave
you enough time to get a second wind.  I'm not going to take that
chance again!
 
(Sam slides along the ground as best he can.  The pain is so
intense he is in danger of passing out.  Suddenly his hand grasps
something, a large piece of metal.  As Sam quickly raises the
metal a loud shot rings out as Timms fires a round at him.  The
sound seems to carry forever, echoing throughout all the rooms of
the building.  Slowly Sam opens his eyes and realizes that
nothing hit him.  He looks in front of him and sees why -- the
large piece of metal he's holding is Ukyou's spatula.  The
head-piece of the spatula is shielding Sam's face, and in the
head-piece there is a large dent where the bullet struck)
 
Timms (flabbergasted) : I don't BELIEVE it!!  You blocked a .357
slug with a metal SPATULA!
Al : I don't believe it, myself.
 
(Sam gets up and holds the spatula tight in his hands.  Timms
fires another shot but Sam deflects it with the metal spatula.
The bullet ricochets and strikes Timms in the kneecap, dropping
him to the ground as he yelps out in intense pain.  Timms drops
the gun, which falls down the staircase, clattering all the way
to the bottom. Sam takes the initiative)
 
Sam : HERE'S where I get my second wind, bozo!
 
(Sam delivers a fierce barrage of blows to Timms, all the while
being cheered on by Al.  Timms isn't capable of defending himself
and Sam completely drives him into the dust with a variety of
kicks and punches to the head and chest area, finishing him off
with a swinging blow from the large spatula.  The final blow
sends Timms across the room, right through the gaping hole in the
far wall)
 
Sam : Oh my God!  I didn't want to KILL him!
 
(Sam runs over to the hole and looks out into the driving rain.
Timms is less than a story below him, hanging onto a protruding
girder for his life.  Ten stories below is the hard rocky ground,
growing misty from the humid weather.  The rain has made the
metal girder slick and Timms is losing his grip.  The powerful
winds are also doing their share to knock him off)
 
Timms (slowly slipping) : HELP ME!!
Sam (looks about for some good footing, then climbs out of the
building and onto the girder) : Hold on, I'm coming!
Al : Sam, you can't seriously want to help this schmuck!  He
tried to kill you!  He tried to kill everybody!!  Who knows HOW
many people he may have killed in the past!!
Sam (struggling to resist the buffeting winds) : I can't let him
die, Al!  I've got to try and save him!! (climbs out halfway onto
the girder and reaches out to Timms) Grab my hand!!
Timms (grasping for Sam's hand) : Just a little... more...
 
(Sam stretches out his hand as far as it will reach.  Timms does
the same.  With some effort the two are able to lock onto each
other's wrists)
 
Sam : Okay, now PULL!!
Timms : Whatever you say, Doc! (Timms quickly lets go of the
girder and lets his weight snap him down, trying to pull Sam off
with him.  Sam is just barely avoids getting yanked off with him)

Sam (trying to keep a hold of the girder): W-what are you
DOING?!!  You'll get us both killed!!
Timms (bobbing up and down trying to dislodge Sam) : Are you
kidding?! (begins to yell so he can be heard over the thunder)
You're my ticket HOME, Doc!!  If I pull you off, we've got ten
stories under us!  I know I'M going to Leap before I hit!!  Are
YOU?!!
 
(Sam struggles to break Timms' grip of his arm, but is having
little success.  With each yank Timms is able to pull a little
more of him off the girder.  However, Timms finds out that all
the rain has made both him and Sam very slick, and he begins to
lose his grip on the doctor.  Sam notices this and presses the
only advantage he has)
 
Sam : I'm sorry... I have no choice...
 
(Timms tries to yank Sam off once more.  As Timms bobs down Sam
shoves his foot in his face and pushes down as hard as he can.
The added pressure forces Timms' hand to slide off of Sam's and
Timms begins to fall.  And fall.  And fall.  And all the while he
screams out for Lothos to save him, to pull him out...
                                         before he hits...
                                               the ground...
                                                       below.)
 
(Sam grabs the girder with both hands and slowly slides himself
back to the safety of the building.  Once he is on relatively
solid ground he looks down at the mess ten stories below.  From
what's left of Timms' body he can see a faint glow, which slowly
grows stronger until in a flash of red and green light and with a
loud noise that sounds like a wail Timms vanishes and is replaced
by the real Ukyou.  Immediately she opens her eyes and realizes
that she lying down in the wet, rained-soaked mud)
 
Ukyou (sitting up) : Oh, gross!  How did I get HERE?!
Sam (yelling down) : UKYOU!!
Ukyou (looks up) : SHAMPOO?!  What are you DOING up there?!!
 
(the heavy rains make it hard for Sam to call out a response, so
he just waves her up.  Ukyou shrugs and runs into the building.
Sam just sits down with his back to the wall in exhaustion)
 
Al : Whew!  I didn't think you were going to make it through this
one!
Sam (clutching his bleeding bullet wound) : Um,