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Part One of four

(Opening scene : It is a cloudy Friday morning outside the Tendo
dojo. A slight breeze seems to be picking up as we pan towards to main
gates, fluttering a few scraps of paper about in its invisible arms.
Slowly we hear what sounds like a stampede of cattle approaching.  The
noise grows louder and louder, and finally reveals itself in the form
of Ranma and Akane bursting out of the house and running in a mad
panic towards school)
 
 

Akane : This is all your fault, baka!

Ranma : Who're you calling baka?!

Akane : If you hadn't lost your backpack we would never have had to
spend all morning looking for it!  Now we're going to be late and I am
NOT going to be held responsible.  You can hold water buckets outside
the classroom door on your own!

Ranma (vaults on top of the metal fence and continues running): Why
are you always saying it's MY fault?  Just last week YOU made us late
for class!

Akane : I sprained my ankle practicing in the dojo!  We had an excused
tardy, and if I remember correctly YOU were the one who made me sprain
my ankle.

Ranma : Sure, blame it on me.  Blame it all on me!  (in a mocking
tone) "Oh, Ranma!  You lost your backpack!  Oh, Ranma!  You sprained
my ankle!  Oh, Ranma!  You stopped at Uk-Chan's for a free meal!"
Jeeze, next you'll be trying to blame me if Shampoo shows up.

Shampoo (as if on cue) : Nihow, Ranma!!

Ranma : Huh?  WAAAAAAAAGGGHH! (BAM!!)
 
 

(Out of nowhere Shampoo and her bicycle appear in the sky.  Time seems
to slow to a snail's-pace as she floats over to Ranma.  Time continues
to remain in slow-motion as her front bike-tire presses up against and
then into his face, shoving him off the fence. Once he is floating
away from the fence with Shampoo's bicycle still stuffed in his face
time resumes to normal speed.  Ranma proceeds to plummet straight down
into the drainage ditch under him)
 
 

Akane (looking over the side of the fence) : Baka.
 
 

(Ranma-chan is under the low-level water with Shampoo's bike still on
her.  Shampoo is remaining dry by sitting on her seat.  Ranma-chan's
arms and legs are waving about wildly, trying to get the bike off of
her so she can breathe)
 
 

Shampoo (exhausted) : Ranma...<pant>... I woke up late today and was
so worried I'd missed you <pant>.  I'm so happy <wheeze> I caught up!

Ranma-chan (still flailing about) : GLUG! GASP! SPUTTER! COUGH!

Shampoo (finally notices where she is parked) : Oops.
 
 

(in one swift motion Shampoo pulls Ranma-chan out from under her
bicycle, plops her onto the handlebars, and pedals up the slope of the
ditch, landing on the fence)
 
 

Shampoo (hugging Ranma-chan with her typical fervor) : So, Ranma,
<pant> do you want to go on a date?  I even cooked <pant> something
special. (pulls out a tray full of steaming fried chicken)
 
 

(upon the sight of the chicken Ranma stops hacking out water and her
eyes light up)
 
 

Ranma-chan : Wow!  This'll be great for lunch!!

Akane (tapping her foot impatiently) : Ranma, we're going to be late
for...  lunch?  Hey, I made you a perfectly good lunch!

Ranma-chan : Uh, well, I kind of... forgot it.
 
 

(We flashback to the morning.  Akane is giving Ranma a lunch box with
some sort of gray ooze dripping from the sides.  Ranma, holding his
nose and grimacing in disgust, sets the box next to his backpack.  As
soon as Akane has left the room the box top flies open and a set of
gray tentacles grabs Ranma's backpack, trying to suck it into the
box. Ranma tries to wrestle with the lunch to get his bag, but
whatever is in the box is too strong and completely inhales the
backpack.  Ranma looks on in utter shock as the box lid shuts.  All of
a sudden, smoke starts to billow from the sides of the box and there
is the sound of maniacal laughter coming from inside it.  Ranma grabs
the box and throws it as hard as he can out the door and into the
window of a neighboring house.  For a few seconds nothing happens,
then suddenly the roof and all the windows in the house shatter
outward with a loud KABOOM!)
 
 

Ranma-chan (thinking) : She'd never believe me if I tell her the
truth...

Akane (furious) : You threw it away again, didn't you?!  I keep trying
to make you something nice and you never even try it! (grabs
Ranma-chan by the pony-tail and pulls her off the fence)

Shampoo : Well, since Ranma will be hungry we should go on a date
(pulls Ranma-chan by the leg).  You'd better hurry to school or you'll
be late, Akane.

Akane (fuming with anger) : THAT'S IT!!!
 
 

(Akane pulls Ranma-chan out from Shampoo's grip and tosses her in the
direction of the school.  She then proceeds to grab Shampoo's bicycle
wheels with both hands and pulls it off the fence, tipping it back
towards the drainage ditch.  Shampoo quickly rights her bike upwards
as she falls, and successfully lands it on its tires while splashing
very little water)
 
 

Shampoo (with a look of pure confidence on her face as she balances
the bike perfectly) : You can't defeat me so easily, little
gorilla-girl!  Hahahaha!!
 
 

(As soon as she says this a man-sized pipeline on her right opens up.
From a water's-eye-view, we are zooming directly at Shampoo's
completely dumbfounded face until she is completely engulfed.  From
inside the water we see Shampoo transform into a cat : first ears
sprout out of her head and a tail pops out from the rear, she grows
fur, then her facial features become feline, her hands and feet turn
into paws, and finally she shrinks, all while the dumbfounded look
remains.  Shampoo-cat pops her head out from the water with a look of
mortification on her face)
 
 

Akane (with victory in her eyes) : I'd love to stay and chat, but I
really MUST be off.  Ta! (Akane happily skips off to class)

Shampoo-cat : MEOW!!
 
 

(Shampoo-cat wearily begins fishing around the water for her clothes.
As soon as she finds them and stacks them in a wet bundle, we slowly
hear a rumbling noise from the background.  With the same dumbfounded
look on her face as she had before, Shampoo-cat looks to her left as
another man- sized pipeline opens up.  A tremendous stream of water
gushes out of the pipe, pushing Shampoo along with it.  Shampoo is
struggling to keep her head above water as she's being swept down a
long underground drainage tunnel.  The walls fly by speedily, the
ground drops out beneath her, and then she hits water again.  There is
a short break in the motion, allowing Shampoo to claw on to a piece of
drift wood.  The water resumes its pull once more at an even stronger
rate, left, then right, over a few bumps, and finally over a miniature
waterfall.  As Shampoo hits the water at the bottom of the fall
everything goes black...)
 
 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Commercial Break:
 
 

(We see a bunch of silly children beating up a large white rabbit)
 
 

Kids : Silly Rabbit!  Trix are for kids! Trix are for kids!
BWAHAHAHAHA!!

Rabbit : Ow! You're hurting me!
 
 

(the kids walk away with a box of cereal, leaving the rabbit to
contemplate the Universe in the rain)
 
 

Rabbit : Those kids always get the Trix... W-well, I'll show them! (a
maniacally evil grin on his face)
 
 

(the kids are seen beating up on a small Irish man in green)
 
 

Kids : These cartoons are pushovers.

Rabbit (pulls out a .45 revolver) : Okay, you little weasels, gimme
the cereal!!
 
 

(The kids have little choice in the matter, so they hand over the box
of Trix.  The Rabbit in a fit of insanity tears open the box top and
in one gulp swallows its entire contents)
 
 

Rabbit : See? SEE?! I got your stinking cereal!! NYAHAHAHAHA....
ERGH!!!
 
 

(the Rabbit barrels over in a fit of agony and clutches at his stomach
in great pain.  We change camera shots to show the emergency room of
Anime Hospital.  The kids are munching away at another box a Trix
while Washuu is strapping various life-saving machinery and hoses to
the much-paler Rabbit.  One of the monitors is beginning to show a
flat-line)
 
 

Kids : Now you know why Trix are just for kids, Rabbit!
 
 

Announcer : Brought to you by the Adult Coalition Against Funny
Cartoons.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
 
 

(The world fades back in again.  Shampoo-cat looks around and sees
that she is no longer in the drainage tunnels but instead in a dirty
alleyway, laying on a pile of rags.  The sounds of traffic and people
can be heard everywhere, and it's beginning to give Shampoo a
headache... or is all those nasty bruises on her?  She looks herself
over, and other than being wet, dirty, and stinking, she is for the
most part okay.  Shampoo-cat tries to get up, only to fall back down
again.  She tries again, only to be less successful this time.  As she
looks around she notices it is now night, with bright city lights
bouncing everywhere but inside the alley.  After a couple more
attempts at getting up she gives up and decides to take a nap on the
pile of rags)
 
 

Shampoo (dreaming): You're really leaving your other fiancees, Ranma?

Ranma (dressed in the robes of an English king) : Other fiancees?
Ho-ho, my dearest Shampoo, there have never been any others!  You have
always been the only one in my heart.
 
 

(Ranma and Shampoo are sitting on an elegant, diamond-studded throne
in a luxurious castle.  Kodachi is busy mopping the floor with a
toothbrush while Ukyou is cleaning spiders and rabid bats out of the
attic)
 
 

Ukyou : OW!  Not ANOTHER bite...  OW!

Shampoo (still dreaming) : Is it time, my love?

Ranma : Why, so it is, most cherished one!
 
 

(Ranma and Shampoo head down a large corridor, past a stuffed and
mounted duck with glasses, through a large set of double doors, down a
dreary stairway, and into a cold and wet dungeon.  They stop at the
last cell in the dungeon and unlock the door)
 
 

Shampoo (ever the dreamer) : Time to feed the pet, darling.

Ranma (opens the door) : Yes, honey bunch.
 
 

(In the far end of the cell we see what appears to be Golem from "Lord
of the Rings".  Closer inspection reveals that it is in fact Akane
with tattered clothes, glowing yellow eyes, and withered, stretched
skin)
 
 

Ranma (in a sweet tone) : Here you go, you horrible sack of puss
(throws small scraps of food at her).

Akane : My Precious <golem-golem>.  Do you have my Precious? (grabs at
the scraps and wolfs them down hungrily)

Ranma (slamming the door with a flare) : HaHA! (looks into Shampoo's
eyes) Shampoo!

Shampoo (looks into dream-Ranma's eyes) : Ranma!
 
 

(the two savor the moment of staring.  Then slowly Ranma's face moves
towards Shampoo's until the are but centimeters apart)
 
 

Shampoo : Ranma...

Ranma : Meow...

Shampoo : HUH?!
 
 

(slowly Ranma's face is replaced by a black cat's.  Shampoo-cat's eyes
open widely and she punches the face out of shock.  The face, along
with the rest of the cat-body, flies backwards and lands in a garbage
can, trash flying everywhere.  Shampoo-cat tries to get up and
realizes that a lot of her strength has returned.  She proceeds to
walk over to the garbage can and waits for the black cat to dig his
way out.  Eventually he does, and he emerges with a humorous look on
his face)
 
 

Shampoo-cat : Meow meow ftt?!

Black Cat (nervously) : Meow nya grr meow <heh-heh>...
 
 

**Author's note -- for the convenience of the audience members that
are cat-impaired we shall back up a few seconds and start over again,
translating the Cat-onese into more widely known English.
 
 

Shampoo : What do you think you were doing?!

Black Cat (nervously) : Uh, well, I was worried about when you were
going to wake up <heh-heh>...

Shampoo : I don't know what you were trying to pull back there but if
you were even thinking of touching me...

Black Cat : Of course I was thinking of touching you.  You aren't
half-bad!  But I thought it would be advisable if I let you wake up
and consent to it first.  So...  how about it, toots?

Shampoo (really steaming) : WHY YOU...!!
 
 

(Shampoo-cat picks up the garbage can and throws it into the dumpster,
black cat and all.  She then turns up her nose and starts to head out
of the alleyway)
 
 

Black Cat (still reeling from being banged around) : What'd I say?
(notices Shampoo about to leave the alley) Hey!  I don't advise going
out there.

Shampoo : Hmph!  Why don't you go back to your trash, hair-ball!
 
 

(Shampoo-cat walks out of the alleyway and onto the sidewalk.  She
notices that she is in the middle of the city and it is quite crowded,
especially for a Friday night.  People are walking all around her and
she is trying her best to avoid getting stepped on.  After a few quick
spins and leaps she manages to get her tail stepped on by a large
American woman wearing a mink, a flamboyant dress that appears MUCH
too warm for the weather, and LOTS of jewelry)
 
 

Shampoo-cat : YEEEEAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

Large woman : Oh, dear, what is that? (has not yet removed her foot
from Shampoo's tail)
 
 

(the man next to her responds.  He is also American, wearing Bermuda
shorts up to his arm pits, knee-socks, a Panama hat, bowling shoes, a
shirt saying "Love it or leave it", and a large camera.  He is
obviously her husband)
 
 

Husband : Well Ah'll be derned.  It's one a' dem fereign city cats,
Hildy!

Large woman : Oh, how horrible!!  What a NASTY little beast it is,
too!!  Take that (swat) and THAT (bonk)!  Oh, Roger, it won't leave me
alone!!
 
 

(Shampoo is trying desperately to escape the beating from the woman's
purse, but Hildy apparently doesn't know that she is still stepping on
Shampoo's tail.  Luckily for Shampoo the husband intervenes)
 
 

Husband : Now, now, Hildy.  (sharply pulls Shampoo out from the
woman's foot)

Shampoo-cat : YYYYYOOOOOOWWWWLLLLL!!!!

Husband (holding Shampoo up to his face) : This pretty lil' feline
seems like she would be great breedin' material fer ole' Jess!  Just
think : we can give ALL the folks back home a pet thit has roots back
in Jupan <A-hyuk!>
 
 

(Shampoo begins to reel from the stench of tobacco on the man's
breath)
 
 

Husband : Why, after that, we could let her run loose in our barn!
Think of all the rats and vermin she could rustle up!  Hey, we would
never even have to feed her!

Large woman : Hmmm... You have a point, dear.  (takes hold of Shampoo)
And, I think that with a little washing she would make a CUTE little
pet.
 
 

(Shampoo is really beginning to freak.  She is trying to wriggle her
way out of the woman's hands, but her grasp is like steel clamps.  The
woman doesn't even notice Shampoo's struggle)
 
 

Large woman : Why, after we get her some shots we could let her play
with the kids.  And maybe even the baby.  And after SHE has babies
she'll simply HAVE to be neutered...

Husband : Of course. (If Shampoo could scream she would.  She is
DESPERATELY trying to break the grip now)

Large woman : How will we get her home through customs, though?

Husband : Well, mebee if we stuffed her REALLY deep in the bags...
 
 

(Shampoo can't take any more of this.  With a quick flick of the wrist
she unsheathes her claws and slashes away at the large woman)
 
 

Large woman : Aaaaagh! (drops Shampoo and starts kissing the wound on
her hand)

RABIES!!  I'll have Japanese rabies!!!  Oooooohhhh.... (thud! She
faints)

Husband : Hildy!!  Why you good fer nuthin' cat!!!
 
 

(the man pulls a small Colt out of his pants pocket and starts
shooting away at a retreating Shampoo.  He is immediately jumped by a
platoon of cops as Shampoo-cat runs back into the alleyway)
 
 

Husband (struggling with the police) : Lemme' go, ya' durned fools!
Ah'm an American!!  Ah've got rights!!
 
 

(Shampoo-cat zips back through the alley and buries herself under the
pile of rags she was sleeping on before.  She waits for the man to
follow her but after enough time it's evident he's not coming.  Still,
she doesn't feel like coming out just yet, so she buries herself a
little deeper in the pile)
 
 

Black Cat : Hello?

Shampoo (peeks out from the pile) : Huh?  Oh, it's you.  What do you
want now?

Black Cat : You must be one of those "domesticated" cats (chuckles as
he says the word).  No one raised on the street would do anything THAT
stupid.

Shampoo (pops out from under the rags and grabs the cat by the neck) :
Who are you calling stupid?

Black Cat (ignoring the fact that he is choking) : That's a good
question <gag>... What's your name?

Shampoo (surprised at the question) : I'm Shampoo. (releases her grip
on the cat's neck)

Black Cat : Shampoo?! Oh well, at least you weren't given a REALLY
silly name (Shampoo resumes her grip on the cat's neck with
earnest). <Erk> Sorry about that...

Shampoo : So who are you?

Black Cat : <gag>

Shampoo : Oops (unlocks the cat's neck)

Black Cat : I'm Yowza.

Shampoo : Huh?

Yowza : I made it up myself (beams with pride).  Pretty cool, huh?

Shampoo (one eyebrow cocked) : Uh, right...

Yowza (looking her over once again) : Say, you've really made a quick
recovery from when I fished you out of the storm drains.

Shampoo : YOU saved me?

Yowza : Yeah, I was looking around for rats and stuff when I saw you
floating on a piece of driftwood.  Another couple of hours on that log
and you would've been on a free sea cruise.

Shampoo : Rats?! (grimaces at the thought)

Yowza : Yeah, there's good hunting down there.  I've got a couple
stashed behind the dumpster, if you're hungry.  They're only a few
days old.  (notices he's making Shampoo sick) Oh, sorry.  I bet you're
used to stuff like caviar and liver patte and Whiskas.  I'll try and
find a half-used can of cat food, if you want.  It might take a while,
though.

Shampoo (beginning to turn green behind the fur) : Um, no thanks.  I
could use some hot water if you've got any around here.

Yowza (surprised) : Hot water?  Not unless you count sewage.  It's too
cold this time of year to find any hot water just lying around.  In
fact, most of the water around here tends to freeze over at nights.
 
 

(Shampoo notices just how cold she really is.  With her fur still wet
from her trip in the storm drains she begins to shiver from the
chill. She looks around for her clothing, but it's nowhere to be
found)
 
 

Shampoo (with an air of despondency about her) : Perfect...

Yowza : Well, if you want to you can stay at my place over night.
I've been able to pull together a few scraps of clothing and trash and
find a pretty- well insulated box to put them in.  It's not a bad
setup, if you ask me.  Keeps me warm, at least.

Shampoo : No, really, I don't have time.  I'm sure there are people
worrying about me.  Thank you, though (turns to walk away).

Yowza : And just how do you expect to get back home tonight?  You
obviously don't know a thing about walking the city, and I'M not going
anywhere until I've gotten some sleep.
 
 

(Shampoo looks out at the street beyond the alleyway : it's just as
packed as ever.  And even if there wasn't anyone there, she would have
no idea just where in the city she was... or for that matter what city
she was in)
 
 

Shampoo (chuckling to herself about the irony) : This is how Ryouga
must always feel...

Yowza : Well, how about it?  I'm not going to sit and watch you make
up your mind all night.

Shampoo : <sigh> Very well, but if you try anything, and I mean
ANYTHING, I will personally pull out your eyes!

Yowza : Fair enough.  Follow me, it's not too far away.
 
 

(Yowza runs to the other end of the alley with Shampoo following
behind.  He jumps the fence barricading the exit, runs through a
series of buildings, and slides through a couple of storehouse
windows.  Shampoo is putting forth considerable effort in keeping up.
Eventually, Yowza and a panting Shampoo reach a window ledge)
 
 

Yowza : Right, you're still with me.

Shampoo : Just... <cough> barely.

Yowza : Don't worry, it's right across this rope line.
 
 

(Shampoo looks down the side of the building, a three-story drop.
There is another building on the other side of the traffic-ridden
streets below, linked by a twenty-foot long rope.  Normally she would
be able to leap from one building to the other without a problem, but
she knows she isn't as big or as strong in cat form as she is in human
form.  Not to mention that the ledge seems a LOT taller than it should
have)
 
 

Shampoo (thinking) : I really need some hot water right about now...

Yowza : It's really simple, if you've got practice.  I can coach you
across.

Shampoo : That won't be necessary. (she runs across the rope without
effort and jumps into the open window in the adjacent building.  Yowza
follows behind her at half-pace)

Yowza : Wow!  Even I can't run the rope THAT fast!  What are you, some
kind of circus cat or something?

Shampoo : I've had a lot of martial arts training.

Yowza (puzzled look on his face) : Huh?  What's "marshall arts
trane-ing"?

Shampoo (not knowing of any other way to explain martial arts to a
cat) : Uh... Okay, I guess you could say I've had a lot of training as
a circus cat.

Yowza : Wow, I've never met a circus cat before!  I've seen them
before on T.V., but I always thought they were much bigger.  I guess
that's why you were strong enough to pick up the whole trash can with
me in it.  From how cute you are, I never would have thought you were
so powerful.

Shampoo (smiles a little at Yowza's comment, then realizes how dirty
and cold she is) : Well, right now I don't feel so cute.  How much
farther to your place?

Yowza : It's in the basement, near the furnace.  Shame they never
leave it on during the night, but it's still a little warm after
hours.  And it keeps my "house" nice and toasty 'till I arrive.  Come
on.
 
 

(Shampoo follows Yowza down three flights of steps into a room piled
with drones of large wooden crates.  The two bound over a few of the
crates and come to a stop next to an old black furnace with a soft red
glow coming from behind the metal grate on its side.  Next to the
furnace is a medium- sized wooden crate missing a few pieces of
plywood on one end.  Yowza walks in through the aperture followed by
Shampoo)
 
 

Yowza (bowing as best as a cat can expect to) : Welcome to my humble
abode.  How do you like it?
 
 

(Shampoo's cat-eyes adjust to the darkness quickly.  She looks at
Yowza's home : an old, rotting wooden crate with moldy newspapers,
bits of clothing, and few pieces of styrofoam-macaroni layered into a
make-shift bed.  An occasional bug scurries around through the
crevices of Yowza's bed.  She breathes in a sigh, only to notice that
the air reeks of grease, coal, and trash)
 
 

Shampoo (in as best an air as she can) : This place stinks.

Yowza (smiling and looking around) : Hmm... I've always thought this
place has had a certain charm to it. (Yowza lays down in the center of
the bed and stretches a little).  Well, I'll see you in the morning, I
guess.  G' night.

Shampoo (looking at Yowza) : Ahem.

Yowza (looking confused for a second) : Huh?  Oh... (scoots over a
little bit)

Shampoo (still looking at him) : AHEM.

Yowza (beginning to look impatient) : Look, I said I won't touch you,
and I'm not moving anymore, so either sleep in here where it's warm or
out there.  I don't care (shuts his eyes).
 
 

(Shampoo makes an annoyed frown, but eventually gives up and tries to
make herself comfortable next to Yowza.  She curls up on the bed, but
no matter how hard she tries she can't do it without touching him.)
 
 

Shampoo (thinking) : <sigh> Don't worry, Shampoo, you're eternally
faithful to Ranma.  It won't matter if you accidentally touch another
man...  Heck, it's not even a man, it's a cat!
 
 

(Shampoo relaxes more and settles in next to Yowza.  For a while she
lays down trying to sleep, but she's still shivering from the cold.
Shampoo clenches her teeth and scootches closer to Yowza's warm fur,
which she begins to find quite comfortable, almost like a thick
blanket.  She lies in the dark for a while, listening to him snore
softly, and thinks about Ranma and how much she misses his beautiful
face.  Eventually she drifts off into a long, dreamless sleep...)
 
 

(...and wakes up to the sound of loud clanking and the hustling of
feet.  Shampoo bounces up and looks around the box to scope out any
potential dangers.  She notices that light is breaking in through the
cracks of the box and, more importantly, that Yowza is gone)
 
 

Shampoo : Yowza?  Yowza, where are you?
 
 

(Silence.  Shampoo peers outside the box.  The room is now dimly lit
by a small window near the ceiling and the furnace is on.  Shampoo
crawls out of the box and jumps onto a tall crate in the left corner
of the room, scouring the room for Yowza.  Eventually, she catches
some movement coming down the staircase)
 
 

Yowza (softly) : Were you calling me?

Shampoo (calling to across the room) : I was wondering where you went!

Yowza : SSSHHHH!!  (back to a whisper) Not so LOUD.  The people that
run this place don't know I live here, and I don't think they like
cats.  So keep it to quiet "mew", okay?

Shampoo (running over to him and now talking quietly) : Where were
you?  And what time is it?

Yowza : I went out for some food, and the sun rose a little while
ago. By the way, I got you something while you were still asleep and
left it by the crate.  I'm sure you'll like it.
 
 

(Yowza leads Shampoo back down the stairs and then goes behind the
crate.  He emerges with a torn open box of Friskies.  Bits of dry cat
food are dropping out of the box and spilling all over the floor)
 
 

Yowza : Ta-da!

Shampoo (confusedly staring at the box) : What is it?

Yowza (with a spark of drama) : What is it?  Why none other than
"Gourmet Cat Chow"!  (excited) What do you think?

Shampoo (putting on a false smile and sweating a little bit) : I... I
don't know what to say.

Yowza (grinning with joy) : I knew you'd be surprised.  I went through
a lot of trouble to get it.  A couple of dogs were chewing on the box
and I had to wrestle it away from them.  Good thing they had to open
their mouths to try and bite me or I would never have gotten it away.
(the grin keeps getting bigger and bigger with his pride) So how about
THAT, eh?  Just like your home, I bet!  Well, dig in!

Shampoo (sweating profusely now) : Uh, are you sure you don't want
some?

Yowza (still smiling) : Nah, I already filled myself on leftover fish
I found in the trash can outside.  Go ahead, it's all your's.

Shampoo (the smile is getting harder to fake now, but she exerts extra
effort to keep it in place) : Ehheh-heh... heh.  Uh...
 
 

(Shampoo stares at the box of cat food once more.  The box is slightly
damp and crumpled from being in the trash.  A small pill bug crawls
out from one of the holes and makes its way to the floor.  Shampoo is
about to wretch when she sees Yowza's happy Cheshire-cat expression
staring back at her.  As if to announce to her what side IT was on,
Shampoo's stomach begins to growl.  Loudly.  Shampoo sighs a deep sigh
and looks fiercely at the box in defiance of its nasty little
threats. With much hesitation she tips over the box so that its
contents are more accessible.  Some of the contents spill out onto the
floor, revealing a few more pill bugs and a cockroach the size of a
mouse.  Shampoo is ready to make a run for it when she looks back at
Yowza's face.  He's grinning like an idiot.  She weakly smiles back at
him and picks up a piece of relatively dry cat food.  With her eyes
closed, she reluctantly stuffs it in her mouth and chews slowly, as
though she is biting into a thick eraser)
 
 

Yowza (desperate) : How is it?

Shampoo (she is smiling back at him with her mouth full and a few
crumbs popping out) : Oh, it's very good.  Just like home.

Yowza (nearly bouncing off the walls in excitement) : GREAT! (notices
how loud he got) Oops (quietly) Great.  I was hoping you'd like it.
Now wait here for a little while.  I've got a couple of errands to
run, and then I'll be back shortly and we can see about getting you
home.
 
 

(Yowza practically leaps all the way up the stairs, still smiling, and
disappears over the top through the open trapdoor.  As soon as he's
out of sight Shampoo spits out the piece of cat food and starts wiping
off her tongue.  After a few gags and once she's cleaned her mouth out
as best she can she gathers up as much cat food as possible, opens the
grate on the side of the furnace, and tosses the entire box into the
fire.  A couple of puffs of smoke, a scream or two from whatever
insects were still in the box, and it is all a memory.  Except for the
nasty taste in her mouth, and no amount of spitting seems to get rid
of that.  After waiting around for half an hour Yowza returns down the
stairs)
 
 

Yowza (slightly surprised) : Wow, you finished everything!  You must
have been hungrier than I thought (Shampoo's stomach tries to contend
that point and begins to growl).  And I guess you're still hungry
after all that...  Well, you're going to have to wait a while.  They
just picked up the trash and it'll be a while before we get any more
munchies around here.

Shampoo (thinking) : Good, I won't have to go through that again...

Yowza : I guess it's a good thing you aren't staying much longer.  A
meal like that could feed one of us street cats for a week.

Shampoo : Huh?  That long?

Yowza : We learn to "put ourselves on a budget" out here.  A little
different from what you're used to.

Shampoo (beginning to wish she hadn't thrown out the WHOLE box) :
Sorry.

Yowza : Oh, that's okay!  Come on, let's get you home (begins to run
up the stairs when he realizes something).  Uh, where exactly do you
live?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

                           End - Part One

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Formula 119 presents...
Shampoo 1/2 - Cat's Cradle
By BENARES
--------------------------------------------------
Part Two of four
Yowza (freaking) : You live WHERE?!
Shampoo : I thought you told me to keep the noise
down.
Yowza (still freaking) : Well, what do you expect
me to react like?!  You live all the way in
Tokyo!!  I thought you lived somewhere nearby like
around Sogo or something!  Heck, even Kannai isn't
TOO far away!  But TOKYO?!
Shampoo : Um, what city IS this?
Yowza : This is Yokohama!  Tokyo is TWENTY MILES
north of here!
Shampoo (confused) : That isn't so far.  We can
catch a train or get on a bus.
Yowza : What do you think?  We can go to a
counter, pull a few hundred yen out of our pockets
and buy a ticket?
Shampoo : I guess not.
Yowza : And in case you don't know it, mass
transit systems don't take kindly to animals!
Shampoo : Hey, I'm sorry already!  I'll think of
something else.  (scratching her chin in thought)
We could always walk...
Yowza : You're kidding...
Shampoo (thinking) : I'm too used to thinking in
human terms.  I'll have to put myself in
cat-thought until I come across some hot water...
(to Yowza) Then we'll have to SNEAK onto a train.
Yowza : Still no good.
Shampoo : What's wrong with THAT idea?
Yowza : You know what happens if we get caught?
At best they'll kick us out the train window, at
WORST they'll put us in a bag and give us to the
pound when they reach Tokyo.
Shampoo : Well I'm not staying in Yokohama.  You
can help me get to the train station, then I can
be on my own.  I think I know my way around Tokyo
pretty well.
Yowza : BUT-- (sighs and gives up) Oh, all right,
but I'll go with you to Tokyo just to make sure
you get there all right.
Shampoo : Thank you, Yowza.
Yowza (smiling) : Let's hurry before your train
leaves.

(Yowza runs up the stairs and checks outside the
trapdoor, then motions for Shampoo to follow him
up.  The two run through the building, which
Shampoo now sees is an auto repair shop.  Shampoo
and Yowza run out the open garage door at the end
of the building and turn down the sidewalk.  There
arenOt half as many people outside as there were
during the evening, and the two cats have little
difficulty maneuvering through the small crowd of
pedestrians)

Shampoo (still running) : Where is this train
station?
Yowza (running a little ahead of her) : Yokohama
Station is a few miles north of here.  We won't
have any trouble getting there as long as we stick
to my little shortcut.

(Shampoo and Yowza jog a mile more up the sidewalk
and take a right past a large bank.  After a few
more blocks Yowza slows down to a walk and heads
towards a gigantic department store.  The amount
of people here has increased almost exponentially,
including a number of foreigners, and most of them
are in business suits.  The two cats have to start
walking along the building's wall to avoid getting
stepped on)

Shampoo : What's this place?
Yowza (looking around the complex) : This place is
called Sogo.  A lot of humans hang around here,
for what reason is anybodyOs guess.  All I know is
there's a LOT of them here, and every time I come
there seem to be more.
Shampoo : Oh, that's right, I've heard of this
place.
Yowza (stopping next to a pair of automatic doors)
: Alright, as soon as the doors open run in as
fast you can.  Ready... set... NOW!

(Yowza and Shampoo zip in through the doors along
with a group of businessmen.  Yowza pulls a hard
left and plasters himself to the wall to avoid the
outgoing people.  Shampoo, however, has run
straight into the crowd and gets pushed right back
out the doors.  With a quick twist of the body
Shampoo has jumped out of the crowd's path and
bounces towards the wall gasping for air.  Once
she has caught her breath she looks in the window
separating the inside of Sogo from the outside and
sees Yowza nervously smiling back.  Shampoo gives
him a nasty look and positions herself next to the
doors for a second try.  When a few tourists walk
in Shampoo bursts in with them and this time makes
a break for the wall where Yowza is sitting)

Shampoo : Why didn't you tell me that would
happen?!
Yowza (still smiling a worried grin) : Eh-heh...
Forgot about it.  Sorry.
Shampoo (trying to ignore Yowza's apology) : So
what are we doing in here, anyway?
Yowza : Two things... first, we have to go through
here to get to the train station.  Second, they've
got some places to eat upstairs, and since you
were still hungry after breakfast...
Shampoo (nervously) : I don't think I'm hungry for
any more trash right this moment.
Yowza : Don't worry, the stuff here is much
fresher.  They have tables outside the restaurants
and youOd be surprised just how sloppy people are
with their food.  Table scraps galore!
Shampoo (excited) : They have restaurants?!
Yowza : Yeah... Wow, your eyes sure lit up!  You
must really be starving.
Shampoo : Uh... Yeah, I'm REALLY hungry.
(thinking) Restaurants!  If I can get into their
kitchens I can find some hot water!
Yowza : Right!  So off to the restaurants we go!

(Yowza looks around and spots an elevator.  He and
Shampoo head over to it and wait for the doors to
open.  With a slight DING the doors slide open a
few people slide out.  Shampoo and Yowza make
their way in.  The two are alone in the elevator
as the doors shut behind them.  Yowza moves to the
control panel and crouches down, then pounces at
it and swats the 10th floor button.  The elevator
begins a slow ascent upwards, the sound of Barry
Mannilow playing in the background.  Yowza sits in
front of the doors and intently watches the
numbers above the door light as they pass each
floor while Shampoo sits in the left corner.
Shampoo notices this is the first time she has
actually had the chance to take a good look at
Yowza.  He's about the same size as she is, with
long, scruffy black hair that would probably look
nice if it wasn't so dirty.  His build is pretty
average for a cat, and while he looks a bit ragged
he keeps himself sitting tall.  His eyes are large
and yellow and have an air of good humor to them.
His ears stand perked up, an occasional twitch
coming from the left one.  His tail bounces around
playfully, the hair at the end of it frayed.  All
in all, not a terrible looking cat.  Now, if he
could just do something about that smell...
Shampoo moves her gaze to the lit numbers above
the door.  As she looks the number 10 lights up
and the doors slowly open with a DING.  Shampoo
and Yowza make their way out)

Yowza : So, where shall we eat?  We have (counting
the digits on his paws as though he's reading off
a list) Maku Donarudo hamburgers, Taco Bell,
Weinerschnitzel, a number of traditional Japanese
eateries, IHOP, China Garden, Dhalsim's House o'
Curry...
Shampoo : Chinese sounds good.

(Yowza leads Shampoo through a small pavilion to a
restaurant which looks like a miniature Zen
temple.  Shampoo recognizes "China Garden" written
in Cantonese above the main entrance.  There is a
grouping of small tables outside the main doors
with various peoples of different ethnicities
sitting at them, most of whom are Japanese.  Yowza
plops down next to a table with a particularly
sweet looking couple of business ladies)

Yowza (whispering out the side of his mouth to
Shampoo) : Okay, here's how it's done.  Do like me
and you can't  go wrong.

(Shampoo humors Yowza and watches with little
interest.  Yowza gets on his hind legs like a
begging dog and mews to the people at the table)

Lady #1 : Hmm?  Oh look, Amano!  Isn't it cute?
(Yowza is giving them "puppy-dog eyes")
Lady #2 : Oh, KAWAII!  Are you hungry, little guy?
Here, have some of my chicken (hands Yowza a bit
of sweet-and-sour chicken, which he happily
accepts).  Aw, look at him eat it up.
Shampoo (thinking) : How degrading.
Yowza (after finishing his chicken he turns to
Shampoo) : See how easy that was?  I even got them
primed up for you.  Here, give it a try.
Shampoo (not hungry enough to publicly humiliate
herself) : Well, before I do anything so... um...
EMBARRASSING, I need to... uh...
Yowza (suddenly looking sad) : Oh... I see. (hangs
his head over, ears suddenly droop)
Shampoo (looking annoyed) : Now cut that out!
Yowza (looks like he's about to cry) : Well, I
just thought that... you know... you'd be able to
<sniff>... uh... that is... I...
Shampoo (can't bear to see him act like this) :
Oh, all RIGHT.  Jeeze...

(Shampoo walks over to the women and looks around
to make sure nobody she knows is watching this.
She then, annoyedly,  sits down and moves into the
begging position.  Her face is still in a
cock-eyed look of mortification as she stares at
the women)

Shampoo-cat (still annoyed) : Meow.
Lady #2 : Ooooh, Akemi!  Another one! (in a tone
Shampoo identifies as patronizing) Aw, are you
hungry, too, little kitty?
Lady #1 : My turn!  My turn!  Here you go, sweety
(hands Shampoo a strip of steak, which she takes
in her mouth while maintaining her facial
expression).  Oh, it's so CUTE!

(Shampoo walks away from the table feeling
humiliated.  Still, she did get something to eat,
and it was pretty good at that.  Unfortunately,
eating the steak has only made her even hungrier)

Yowza (much happier) : Hooray!  See, now that
wasn't so tough!  (notices her rumbling stomach)
Don't worry, a few more rounds and we'll take care
of that problem.
Shampoo : Riiight... First, I need you to wait for
me out here.  I've got some business to take care
of inside.
Yowza (surprised) : What?  In the restaurant?!
Are you kidding?  We're pressing our luck just
being OUTSIDE!  What do you want in there?
Shampoo : Remember how I said I needed that hot
water?
Yowza (getting worried) : Shampoo, are you feeling
okay?!  What in the UNIVERSE do you want hot water
for?  And why is it worth risking your fur over?
Shampoo : It would be too hard to explain.  Just
wait for me out here. (starts to head into the
open doors)  Oh, and I might be a little
...different when I come out, but don't worry, it
will still be me. (Shampoo looks around for
waiters or hosts, then when she is certain the
coast is clear she sneaks into the door)
Yowza (completely confused) : Women.  Go fig'.

(Once Shampoo has snuck past the chief maitredee,
a snobby Chinese man wearing a tuxedo standing
behind an oak podium, she scopes out her
surroundings : the restaurant is dimly lit, but is
elegantly decorated with many Chinese tapestries
and paintings.  The restaurant isn't particularly
full at the moment, probably due to the early
hour, but there are a few groups of people
scattered about, hidden by the low lighting.
Shampoo sees a young blond-haired waiter enter
through a pair of swinging doors in the back, and
sees the kitchens beyond.  She makes sure the way
is clear, then scurries quickly to the doors and
slides through them as they continue to swing.
The kitchens reek of pork and onions, and are full
of pots, pans, and dishes of various sorts.  A
cook is busily chopping away at some vegetables
with his back turned to her, and the waiter from
before is walking back out with a platter in hand.
Shampoo looks about and sees her target : a sink.
She bounces up onto the counter, looks around once
more for any threats, and then moves to the sink)

Shampoo (thinking) : Finally...

(Shampoo goes to the faucet and tries to turn the
handle, only to discover that it is stuck tight.
She tries the other one, but only cold water comes
out of it.  Shampoo tries desperately again with
the first, but her efforts are fruitless.  She
sighs, then notices a large pot of steaming coffee
under a dripping filter.  Shampoo touches the pot,
confirming that it is indeed hot.  VERY hot.
Shampoo takes one more look at the kitchen, but
sadly determines that there is no other source of
hot water readily available.  She picks up the pot
by the handle and pulls it over next to the sink,
then steps into the sink with the pot.  She
breathes in deeply, and, while gritting her teeth
sharply, pours the contents of the coffee pot all
over herself)

Shampoo : WAAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!
Waiter : WAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!

(Shampoo just notices the waiter has walked in and
is staring her right in the eyes.  It is also
apparent that he has just witnessed her change
from a cat into a human female.  A NAKED human
female.  The two just stare wide eyed and panicky
at each other for a second.  Shampoo is trying to
concentrate on the waiter and the scalding heat of
the coffee.  Then the waiter takes the initiative)

Waiter : WAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!  A naked woman with
purple hair just jumped out of our sink!!!!
AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Cook (calling from around the corner) : Mamma mia,
Hershel!  You've-a been hitting da' bottle again,
no?  Wassa matta wit' you?

(the waiter ignores the cook and runs screaming
from the kitchen while waving his arms about in a
mad panic.  Shampoo recovers from the shock of the
past few seconds in enough time to see the pitcher
of iced tea the waiter was carrying fly out of the
sky and land right on top of her.  Shampoo-cat
goes from worrying about scalding burns to the
freezing liquid and lumps of ice.  As soon as the
empty pitcher has landed on the floor the cook
walks around the corner)

Cook (to himself) : Wassa matta' wit-a that crazy
boy?  (sees Shampoo-cat)  Oh ma' GOD!!  Missa'
Yung, come-a here quick!!  Its-a kitty-cat
trashin' up a' kitchen!! (pulls a meat cleaver out
of nowhere)  You nassy little cat!!  Ah'm-a gonna
cut-a you up-a for suppah!
(the cook swings at Shampoo, but she jumps up onto
his face as he misses and strikes the counter.
She runs over his chef's hat, over his back, and
onto one of the tables full of food  as the cook
comes around for another attack.  He swipes at her
with a crazed look in his eyes, and misses her
once again as she runs across the platters of
food.  Shampoo turns her head to see her pursuer,
then sees the maitredee with a large pan in his
hand as she turns back.  Shampoo screams and jumps
backwards as the pan flies down into a large plate
of salad, lettuce flying everywhere.  Shampoo
lands in a bowl of sweet-and-sour sauce and bobs
her head over the side of the bowl, wearily
looking around.  The waiter, the maitredee, and
the cook are all closing in on her, maniacal grins
on each of their faces.  The cook brings back his
meat cleaver for a strinking blow.  Shampoo jumps
out as the cook's meat cleaver hits the bowl and
knocks it into the waiter's face.  Shampoo latches
onto the cook's face, and jumps immediately off as
the maitredee's pan misses her and hits the cook
square in the jaw.  Almost simultaneously both the
waiter and the cook go down on top of each other,
unconcious.  The maitredee snarls at Shampoo and
tries to hit her with the pan, but he raises it
too high and strikes the rack above him that was
carrying all the other pots and pans.  Shampoo
bursts out of the kitchen doors as the entire rack
falls on top of the maitredee, burying him in a
pile of cooking wear.  Shampoo jumps onto a table,
then notices it's occupied...)

Large woman : Oh my LORD, Roger!  It's that nasty
little street cat, again!!
Husband : You dirty lil' feline!!  Ah had to spend
two-hundred bucks on bail money 'cause a' you!!
(pulls out a revolver)
Large woman : Don't kill it, dear!  We need it so
the doctors can dissect it and tell me if it's
rabid or not!
Husband : Almost fergot, Hildy!  Come ta' poppa,
ya' lil' weasel!!

(the husband grabs at Shampoo, as does the large
woman.  Shampoo jumps off the table in a panic,
dodging them both.  She runs out the open doors as
fast as she can with the couple in hot pursuit.
Yowza is still waiting for her outside)

Yowza (one eye cocked) : Holy cow!  You weren't
kidding when you said you'd be a little
"different".
Shampoo (speeding right past him) : RUN!!!
Yowza : Huh? (sees the mad couple burst out of the
restaurant) Oh... (immediately dashes after her)

(Shampoo and Yowza run through the pavilion with
people jumping out of the way.  Roger and Hildy
are close behind.  Shampoo turns the corner and
heads for a flight of stairs, Yowza still
following.  The two cats rush down the steps and
continue running across the ninth floor.  Their
human pursuers are still hot on them, and the
husband takes aim with his gun.  Shampoo spots an
open dumbwaiter and jumps into it along with
Yowza.  Just as the husband fires a off a shot the
dumbwaiter plummets down its hole.  The bullet
misses the cats and hits the empty wall where the
dumbwaiter had been.  Once again, the husband is
pummeled by a platoon of cops)

Husband : Not again (the cops slap the cuffs on
him). (Angrily) Don't you people have any respect
fer Americans?!

(Shampoo and Yowza are still rocketing down the
hole.  Yowza gropes around for a switch of some
kind and finds a lever.  He pulls it, and the
dumbwaiter speedily slows to a complete stop.
After the sound of grinding pulleys and burning
rope has ceased, the twosome look around and
notice that they've stopped at the first floor.
After a second or two of catching their breath,
they step out amongst a staring crowd of
onlookers.  Shampoo is still breathing hard, while
Yowza looks as though he's about to vomit.  The
two stagger about a little, then sit down to catch
their breath in front of a small furniture store.
The crowd disperses, losing interest.  Yowza
eventually regains his composure and takes a quick
look at Shampoo.  She is covered in food and
sweet-and-sour sauce, and is completely filthy
with dirt and grime.  She has lost her little
yellow barrettes and her hair is mussed and stuck
together)

Yowza (trying to lighten her up) : Sooooo....
anything interesting happen to you today? (Shampoo
stays silent) No, huh?  (sees he's not getting
anywhere) Right.  Well, we'd better get going.
Don't worry, the train station's not too far away,
now (Shampoo just nods).

(Yowza and Shampoo silently walk through the first
floor of Sogo until they reach the opposite end.
Once again they run through the automatic doors
and move through the ever-increasing drones of
people on the sidewalk.  After another mile of
trekking the two come to Yokohama Station.  When
they arrive the sky is darkening from clouds, and
the occassional rolling of thunder can be heard
amidst the screetching of trains on the tracks
outside the large enclosed building.  People are
hustling everywhere)

Shampoo : Now that we're here, how do we find out
which train in going to Tokyo?
Yowza : I think they call them before they leave.
Public address system (as soon as Yowza has
finished talking) : Attention!  Attention!  Last
train for Tokyo now leaving at Gate 4-B!  Repeat!
Last train for Tokyo leaving from Gate 4-B!
Shampoo : Aiya!!  (looks at the signs above her,
indicating the Gate 4-B is three gates away)
Quickly, it's this way!

(Shampoo runs as fast as she can with Yowza right
behind her.  The two weave through the hordes of
people as best they can, passing Gate 3-F, then
3-G, then 4-A, and finally they arrive at Gate
4-B.  Through the exit they can see the train
doors closing)

Shampoo : No!  Don't leave!!

(Shampoo bursts through the exit and runs for the
train.  The doors have already closed, so she's
trying to catch up to the speedily departing rear
platform at the train's end.  The train is making
a lot of headway on her, but Shampoo stays in
pursuit.  Eventually, though, Shampoo runs out of
space to run as the train clears the station and
clatters down the tracks to Tokyo.  Shampoo jumps
off the walkway and runs down the tracks after the
disappearing train, but it is obvious she won't be
able to catch it.  Eventually, she gives up.
Yowza walks up behind her, panting with each step)

Yowza (gasping for air) : I'm... <wheeze> I'm
sorry... <cough> we didn't catch your train,
<pant> Shampoo...

(Shampoo is also breathing hard, but she doesn't
look Yowza in the face.  Instead she heads back
down the tracks with her head held low and her
shoulders stooped.  The clouds crash with thunder
and an occassional flash of light, and the rain
begins to come down.  The return trip is quiet as
Yowza leads them back home, but the rain gets too
strong and the two have to stop in an alleyway.
Yowza finds a well sheltered box and heads in with
Shampoo slowly following, ignoring the cold rain
pouring on her)

Yowza : This should take care of us for the night,
eh, Shampoo?

(Yowza looks at Shampoo.  She is still as silent
as ever.  Her ears are drooped along with her
head, and her eyes have lost the fire he saw in
them when he first met her.  Her tail is unmoving,
and she still will not look at him directly in the
face.  She just sits there, sopping wet, looking
at the floor of the old cardboard box)

Yowza (worried) : Hey, Shampoo, are you going to
be alright? (no response) Shampoo? (still nothing)
(angrily) SHAMPOO!  Look at me!! (Shampoo slowly
looks up at him)  Are you just going to sit there
and MOPE?  I mean, things could be a lot worse!
You could've been HURT or something!  And, well,
if we didn't catch the train today, then we can
always catch it some other time!!  (Shampoo slowly
looks back at the ground with the same dead
expression as before.  Yowza just stares at her
for a second, then gets up.  He changes his tone
back to normal)  Well, I'm going to go out and see
if I can dig up some dinner.  I'll be back
shortly, so don't worry, okay? (once again, no
response) Right...

(Yowza begins to walk out of the box into the
rain, when he hears Shampoo making some noise
inside.  He goes back in, and sees Shampoo
beginning to sob)

Yowza : Ohmigosh, I'm sorry!  I didn't mean to
yell at you earlier.  Please don't cry.
Shampoo (trying to speak through sobs) : It's
...<choke> it's not that.  I'm... <choke>... Uh, I
<sob>... OHHH!!!

(Shampoo breaks down and begins to cry.  The
stress of the day's events have finally gotten to
her.  She's trying to wipe her eyes with her paws
but they're only getting her eyes dirtier.  Yowza
becomes very concerned and walks up to her,
putting a paw of her shoulder)

Yowza : H-hey, Shampoo... it's okay.  You don't
have to cry.

(Shampoo buries herself in his shoulder and
continues to cry.  He pats her on the back trying
to comfort her)

Shampoo : I'm-<sob>-I'm never going to get home!
I'm cold, and...<choke>, and I'm hungry, and wet,
and I'll never see my family <sob> or my friends
or <sob>... or my RANMA again! (cries loudly)
Yowza (trying his best to be comforting) : There,
there, Shampoo.  It'll be okay.  Everything's
going to be fine, you'll see.  You've just been
through a lot, that's all. (holds her by the
shoulders and looks at her in the eyes) Tommorow
is a new day, and we can always try again then.
Okay? (Shampoo's teary eyes look back at him.  She
sniffles a little, then gives a slight smile.
Yowza smiles back brightly) There you go!
Everything is going to be just fine tommorow. Now,
get some sleep, and I'll see you in the morning,
Okay?
Shampoo (wiping her nose and sniffling a bit) :
Okay.

(Yowza lets go of Shampoo and begins to head out
for some food.  Shampoo looks at him as he leaves
and smiles.  She then picks a good soft spot in
the box and curls up, slowly dozing off... After a
little while in the darkness Shampoo opens her
eyes again, seeing that the sky has gotten much
darker and the rain is still steadily coming down.
She sneezes once and shivers from the cold, so she
tries to bundle herself up more.  Unfortunately
her wet fur isn't helping any, so she stretches
out, hoping that will dry her off a little.  She
feels a warm bundle of fur with her hind legs, and
realizes that Yowza must have come back while she
was asleep.  She sits up and looks at him as he
sleeps.  Yowza is breathing peacefully, although
he too is bundled up for warmth.  Shampoo thinks
about it a second, then lays back down. She thinks
about it some more, then decides there's no reason
to worry.  She gets up and moves over next to
Yowza and lays down by his side.  Shampoo then
slides over closer to him and hugs his body for
warmth.  She feels his skin spasm a little from
the sudden chill, but after a second or two it
dies down and he breathes normally again.  Shampoo
snuggles up to him, and then dreams of
tommorow...)

Yowza (to himself) : Goodnight, Shampoo.  Pleasant
dreams (and then he, too, drifts off to sleep).
--------------------------------------------------
                 End - Part Two
--------------------------------------------------

Formula 119 presents...
Shampoo 1/2 - Cat's Cradle
By BENARES
--------------------------------------------------
Part Three of four
(Shampoo is once again in her dream castle,
sitting on her beautiful throne wearing the robes
of a queen.  Ranma, still in the garb of royalty,
is talking to a man at the main doors.  The man is
wearing a flaming black cloak and has eyes that
burn like stars)

Ranma (annoyed) : No, I don't know anything about
your lost bag.  If you want sand go to the beach.
Morpheus : Sorry, my mistake.

(the man is forced to leave as Ranma closes the
door in his face and turns towards Shampoo.  The
two run to each other's arms and embrace.  They
then look into each other's eyes)

Ranma : Oh Shampoo, how I've waited to taste your
sweet lips.
Shampoo (dreamy-eyed) : I love you, Ranma...  Kiss
me.

(Ranma moves towards Shampoo's eager lips, but
just as he's about to make contact...)

Ranma (eyes open widely and beads of sweat start
barreling down his forehead) :
Guh-gah-HRK!-eep-hamunahamuna....
Shampoo (becoming confused) : Ranma, sweetheart,
why haven't you kissed me yet?
Ranma (growing more deranged each passing second)
: GLK!  Mernmerm!  Glibblefritz!!
C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c.....  CCCCAAAAATTTTTTT!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

(Ranma breaks away from Shampoo and runs away
screaming, bashing through the main doors and
continuing to run cross-country while screaming
all the way.  Shampoo just stands, the outside
wind blowing her gown, wondering what has just
happened.  She sighs, turns to her left, and looks
straight into a mirror.  Shampoo sees exactly what
sent Ranma running for the hills : while her body
is as human as ever, the face staring back at her
is that of her cat form.  The mirror, along with
the rest of the room, suddenly flies upward until
Shampoo's perspective is the same as when she's a
cat.  In fact, she notices she has just BECOME a
cat.  A large shadow slowly appears over her)

Akane (in the uniform of a city pound worker and
carrying a large net) : Well, well, well...  Looks
like we've got a STRAY!  I'm afraid it's off to
the big house for YOU, little cat-girl!!
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

(Shampoo tries to run from Akane but the net grows
and clamps over her like a mouth.  Shampoo is
trying to pull apart the net but it is too strong.
Akane walks whistling out the doors with
cat-in-net, and stops in front of a
menacing-looking truck with the logo "Akane's Cat
Pound : We catch 'em n' gas 'em!" written on the
side.  A large woman and her husband are standing
next to the truck and are taking photographs of
the whole incident.  The doors on the back of the
truck open, brandishing large, sharp teeth.
Shampoo sees this and tries even harder to break
free of the net, still to no avail.  Akane hoists
the net back like a fishing rod, looks at Shampoo
with an evil glimmer in her eye, and flings the
cat at the salivating doors.  Shampoo-cat screams
as she flies at the doors, and then...)

(darkness.  Shampoo-cat sits up sweating like a
hog and panting as she realizes it was all a
dream.  She looks around at the cardboard box : it
is a bit soggier from the night's rain but is
still pretty much intact.  The rain outside is
much lighter now, and the sky is bright enough to
indicate it is daytime.  Shampoo looks to her side
to see that once again Yowza is gone)

Shampoo (to herself) : That's the twelfth time
this month...  I'm getting SICK of that nightmare.
The Americans were a new touch, though.

(Shampoo peeks outside the box to scout for Yowza
but sees that he is nowhere to be found.  Shampoo
sighs and plops her head down on the floor to
think)

Shampoo (thinking) : Great, I'm all alone now.  I
guess I'll have to wait for him to show up again.
(smiling) He's awfully sweet.  I never thought an
alley cat could be so nice.  So charming, too.
(gets dreamy-eyed for a second, then opens her
eyes wide and shakes her head)  What am I
THINKING?!  He's an alley cat!!  I'm a human
being!! Besides, I've got Ranma.  Shame on me for
thinking that way (bops herself on the head with
her paw).

(time passes.  The rain stops completely and the
skies clear to a bright blue, although there is
still a chill in the air.  Shampoo takes the
opportunity to look herself over in a puddle;
she's still a mess, but it doesn't really matter
to her much, anymore.  She tries to clean herself
off a little, but the food and sweet-and-sour
sauce combination seems to be impossible to
remove.  Nevertheless, she does what she can with
the puddle of water.  Eventually, Yowza walks in
on her "bath")

Yowza (smiling) : Good morning!  Looking better, I
see.
Shampoo (smiles back) : Good morning, Yowza.
Where were you this morning?
Yowza (puts on a slight frown) : Getting bad news,
I'm afraid.  The train to Tokyo jumped the rail
last night in the rain.  The tracks are closed
until they pull the train off them, which'll be
tomorrow at least.  I'm sorry.
Shampoo (surprisingly not disappointed) : Oh,
that's alright.  Like you said, "It could've been
worse".  What would have happened if we were on
the train when it left?
Yowza (becoming very happy) : WOW!  That's a GREAT
improvement from yesterday!  I'm so happy that
you're doing so much better.  So, as long as we've
got the day together, what shall we do?
Shampoo : I suppose you could show me the sights.
Not Sogo, though... I don't think they'll be eager
to see us again.
Yowza : Right, right.  I guess I can show you off
to some of my friends around here.
(Shampoo's stomach starts to rumble)  What ARE we
going to do about that? (throws her a sly smile)
Shampoo (catching the joke) : I'm still not eating
any rats.
Yowza : Heh-heh-heh...  Don't worry.  I've got a
friend here that lives in a restaurant.  We can
get some grub there.
Shampoo : Then let's go.

(Yowza and Shampoo walk from the alleyway down the
street and over a few blocks.  Eventually they
turn into another alleyway and stop at a rear
entrance to one of the shops on the street.  Yowza
scratches at the door a couple of times, and a
gigantic orange cat's-head pops out from a
built-in pet door)

Orange Cat (in a Yiddish accent) : Yowza!  Long
time no see.  I hope you're not just here for
another free meal.
Yowza : Am I ever here for anything else?
Orange Cat (looking at Shampoo) : Who's your
friend?
Yowza : Oh, this is Shampoo.  Shampoo, this is
Cliff.
Shampoo (politely) : Nihow.
Cliff : Shalom (the two cats look at each other
confused).
Yowza : Shampoo is from Tokyo.  I'm showing her
the sights, and thought that you could spare her a
little something to eat.
Cliff : No problem. (looks at Shampoo) Come on in,
I'll take good care of you.  Oy, you're such a
skinny cat, you are.

(Shampoo and Yowza follow Cliff inside.  The place
smells of pastries, fresh fruit, and steak.  Cliff
leads the twosome to a back room)

Cliff : You two stay right here, and I'll be back
with your food (leaves).
Shampoo (in hushed tones) : He's big enough to be
a DOG!
Yowza : Cliff came here from America about a year
ago, ever since his owner decided to set up shop
here.  I think he used to work in Tokyo, but
someone got him kicked out because she didn't like
his crepes or something.

(eventually Cliff returns with a cat dish full of
steak fingers.  Shampoo's eyes light up brightly
and she makes a dive for the dish, then stops
herself quickly and nervously looks at Cliff and
Yowza)

Cliff (smiling) : Go ahead, sweetheart.  Eat your
full!  You need the extra weight.

(Shampoo bows a thank-you and plunges into the
steak.  Her stomach signals IT's thank-you and
stops growling.  While she eats Shampoo notices
Yowza and Cliff have moved to the corner of the
room and are talking quietly.  She slows her
eating and tries to listen in)

Yowza (quiet and serious) : So what have you
heard?
Cliff : It's not very encouraging, lad.  He's
REALLY pissed at you now, so I don't suggest you
go anywhere dangerous while you're touring the
city with your little lady friend over there.  Why
do you always get under his skin, boy?  You're
YOUNG, you've got potential to go places.  Just
leave him alone and you'll do okay.  Hey, go with
your lady friend back to Tokyo.  Stay there, have
kids, raise a family, but for heaven's sake don't
push your luck with him.  He's too dangerous!
Yowza : What do you expect me to do, Cliff, put my
tail between my legs every time he wants something
and hand it over to him with a whiney little "Yes,
sir.  Very good, sir.  Don't hurt me, sir" ?  I
can't live that way, and you know it.
Cliff (looking at the sky) : Oy, these kids today!
(back to Yowza, this time angry) What are you,
meshugena or something?  He wants you HURT, if
anything to show everyone else he means BUSINESS!
(Suddenly he notices Shampoo has been listening
in.  He quiets down a bit)  Look.  Kid.  I just
don't want to see anything happen to you, alright?
Yowza (smiling his patented smile) : I can take
care of myself.  Thanks, Cliff.

(Shampoo finishes her meal quickly and walks over
to the two.  Cliff decides to change the subject)

Cliff : So, what brings you to our fair city,
little-miss-Shampoo?  On vacation?
Shampoo : I'm just a little lost right now.
Yowza's helping me get back home.
Cliff : Oh, you poor dear.  Well, if you ever need
a place to stay, old Cliffy here will be happy to
put you up anytime you want.
Shampoo : Thank you very much.

(Yowza and Shampoo say their good-byes to Cliff
and head out.  As the two leave the alleyway and
walk down the sidewalk they see the sky has become
dark once more and looks as though it is just
ITCHING to drench them both once more)

Shampoo : Yowza, what were you two talking about
in there?
Yowza (distracted) : Hm?  Oh, what Cliff was
talking about...  Don't worry yourself about it,
Shampoo, it's nothing.

(Shampoo doesn't seem to like the answer but knows
it really isn't any of her business, so she sets
her worries in the back of her head and thinks
more about other matters.  Throughout the passing
day, Yowza introduces Shampoo to a number of his
street-walking friends and shows her the local
color.  Unfortunately, since cats can't cover as
much ground as humans the tour is limited to a few
city blocks, and consists mainly of local shops
and Yowza's primary hangouts.  It is obvious to
Yowza that his female companion has seen much more
interesting places in her time, but still he tries
to make the tour as entertaining as possible,
mainly with amusing anecdotes and stories about
his time in the city, which Shampoo pretends to
find exciting so as not to hurt his feelings.
After a few hours the sky begins to darken and the
rain finally begins to fall, and Shampoo and Yowza
are forced to find shelter in an abandoned
apartment building.  The rain continues to get
stronger, but the old roof holds the water well.
The two cats decide to sit around an old gas lamp
which, Yowza is surprised to discover, Shampoo
knows how to light using an old kitchen match)

Yowza (staring at the lamp in wonder) : Wow! I
only thought only humans knew how to work this
stuff.
Shampoo : I've seen my, er, OWNERS light these
things before (blows out the match).
Yowza (still enthralled by the light) : Cool!
(looks at Shampoo) Why don't you tell me about
where YOU live.
Shampoo : Hmm, tell you about my home...  Well, I
live in a restaurant in Tokyo with my grandmother
and an... ANNOYING, BLIND fool named Mousse.
Yowza : Moose?  What a funny name for a cat.
Shampoo : Oh, he's not a cat.  He's a ma-... a
duck.
Yowza : You live with a blind duck?
Shampoo : Unfortunately, yes.  The idiot's in love
with me and keeps asking me to marry him.
Yowza (taken completely by surprise by this) : He
wants to marry you?! A DUCK?!  What does he expect
you to do, lay eggs?

(Shampoo bursts out laughing at this comment.
Yowza starts to laugh along, but it seems Shampoo
thinks this joke is funnier than he does.
Eventually Shampoo calms down)

Shampoo (still giggling a little) : Anyway, I
<heehee>... I've been working at the restaurant
for a couple of years.
Yowza : Working?  Do you perform circus tricks or
something?
Shampoo : No, I wait on tables.

(Yowza has suddenly become incredibly confused; he
tries to picture this, though : Shampoo-cat is
wearing her waitress uniform, tailored to fit her
demure size, of course.  A man is asking for his
bowl of ramen, and the owner of the restaurant
hands a large steaming bowl of noodles to
Shampoo-cat.  Shampoo then carries the bowl while
walking on her hind legs, and comes to a stop in
front of the table.  She mews once, and the man
happily picks up his bowl of noodles.  Everyone in
the restaurant is applauding, the owner is weeping
with joy, and Shampoo-cat is taking a bow.  Yowza
then envisions a duck with a bouquet  of roses in
its beak run to Shampoo with its wings spread
wide.  The duck misses an annoyed looking
Shampoo-cat by about a mile and runs out the door
by mistake.  The sound of screeching tires and a
loud "QUACK! THUMP!" can be heard outside)

Yowza (reeling from the silliness of all this) :
Hmmm... I see.  (changing the subject quickly
before he gets any more confused) So, what else
can you tell me?  Who's this Ranma you were so
worried about last night?
Shampoo (suddenly becoming sad) : Ranma... He's
the most wonderful person in the world.
Yowza : Sounds like you really miss him.
Shampoo : I do.
Yowza : What's he like, this Ranma?
Shampoo : Oh, he's strong, and handsome, and is
probably the most beautiful man I've ever met...
(notices that she has just referred to Ranma as a
MAN.  Yowza's eyes are as big as dishplates now
and he looks ready to keel over.  Shampoo quickly
corrects herself) Did I say MAN?!  I meant CAT <of
course>.
Yowza (grips his chest in relief) : Whew!  You had
me worried for a second there!  I wouldn't know
what to think if you were into beastiality or
weird stuff like that (Shampoo frowns at the use
of "beastiality" ).  Sorry, my mistake.  Anyway,
back to this Ranma guy...
Shampoo : He's so swift and powerful.  And he
never lets anyone or anything push him around.
Yowza (looks a little apprehensive) : Have you two
had kittens yet?
Shampoo : No, not yet.  I can't have... "kittens"
with him because he's being held under leash by a
nasty little tomcat named (clenches her teeth)
Akane.
Yowza : Ooh, what's she like?
Shampoo (her paws are clenched in fists now and
she's gnashing her teeth) : She's an UGLY,
PARANOID, STUPID, WEAK little black-haired TOMCAT
who holds onto Ranma with all her might to keep us
apart!  Ooooh, I hate her!
Yowza : So why doesn't Ranma just leave her?  If
he's as strong as you say he shouldn't have any
trouble coming to you.

(at this question Shampoo suddenly loses her anger
and looks at the ground, pensive and almost
scared)

Shampoo : I... I don't know!  I've tried so HARD
to get him to come to me, but in the end, no
matter what I do or how I act or what I say...
(softly) he always goes back to her...
Yowza (realizing he's stepped into nasty territory
and doesn't want Shampoo to grow any sadder) : Say
what floor are we on again?
Shampoo (trying to concentrate on his question) :
The, uh, the second floor.
Yowza : And how many floors were there on this
building?
Shampoo : I think I counted five when we first got
here.
Yowza (slyly) : Race ya' to the top.

(With that Yowza bursts out of his sitting
position and makes a break for the stairs.
Shampoo smiles at his challenge and follows suit.
The two run through the building until they reach
the staircase, then both vault upwards as fast as
they can.  Shampoo is easily leading, but holds
back enough so that Yowza thinks he actually has a
chance.  At the very end, Shampoo slows down
enough to let Yowza pass her by, allowing him to
fly out of the staircase onto the fifth floor and
win.  As soon as he can get himself to stop, Yowza
plops onto the ground and tries to catch his
breath.  Shampoo is breathing slightly.  Very
slightly)

Yowza : Well <pant>... what do you <wheeze>...
what do you know.  I WON <cough>.  Hmmm... (stares
at Shampoo with an eyebrow cocked)
Shampoo (batting her eyes and smiling) : WHAT?  Do
you think I let you win?  (smiles even more.
Shampoo walks up to a prone Yowza and bats him on
the nose)  Shame on you.
Yowza (smiles and weakly tries to bat her back,
failing miserably) : You only <pant> hit me
because you <cough> KNOW I'm too tired to hit back
<heh-heh><cough>.
Shampoo (laughs a little and looks around) : I
wonder how old this building is.
Yowza : Don't <pant> have a clue.

(Shampoo walks around the fifth floor a little,
giving Yowza time to get some air.  For the most
part the building is in total decay, probably
waiting to be torn down some day.  Shampoo comes
to a stop as she finds one room without a
boarded-up window.  She takes a look outside to
see that it is no longer raining, but has instead
began snowing.  Shampoo jumps onto the radiator
and looks out at the dark, quiet city being
layered in a sheet of white)

Shampoo (to herself) : How beautiful...

(Yowza comes walking up behind her.  He has
regained much of his strength but is still
breathing audibly.  He jumps onto the radiator
next to her and looks out)

Yowza (quietly) : It's nice isn't it? (Shampoo
nods)  I always wondered, Shampoo...  What's it
like to have a family?
Shampoo (breaks off from the window) : Huh?
Yowza (still looking out the window) : I've always
wondered what it's like to have a family.  I've
been my own since, well, since I can remember, and
I've never had anyone to answer to or anybody who
wanted me to answer.  I've always been alone...
What's it LIKE, Shampoo, to have people around who
care about you?  Even the duck?

(Shampoo becomes quiet for a second as she looks
out the window at the silent, falling snow falling
against the black sky.  The world seems to have
stopped for a while : there is no sound of
traffic, no dogs barking or people walking,
nothing.  Just the sound of silently falling snow.
Shampoo looks at Yowza, who's still looking out
the window at the frozen world)

Shampoo (softly) : It's a wonderful feeling,
Yowza.  To have people there when you need to
talk, or just someone to be around.  Even Mousse,
with all his faults and stupidity...  Sometimes
it's nice to know that if I ever want to be around
somebody, he'll always be there. I don't... I
don't think I could ever live the way you do.  I
think I'll always need to have somebody, ANYBODY,
out there that cares.  Without that, I think I
would just whither away and die. (the room grows
silent for a moment) How do you do it, Yowza?  How
do you live with such... abscence?
Yowza : I don't know.  I always have before.  I
guess after all that time I just got used to it.
I never even thought about the question until I
met you.
Shampoo : Have you ever even wanted to start a
family?
Yowza (quietly) : Never.  I never knew anyone long
enough.  Most of the she-cats I meet just want
one-night stands, in the morning they're gone.
It's just enough to fill the void a little, I
guess.  (looks at Shampoo) Things in our lives are
very different, Shampoo.  You have a home, a place
you're welcome to whenever you go.  Me, I walk in
every building wondering if I'm going to get
kicked in the head or sent to the pound or
whatever.  You have friends, you have food, you
have warmth.  I have to fight every day just to
get these things, and then I've got to fight to
make sure no one takes it away from me.  I don't
know, maybe if circumstances were different I
could have had a life like your's...
Shampoo (looks back out the window) : Or vice
versa.
(Once again the room returns to silence.  The two
look out the window some more, not knowing what
else to say)

Shampoo (thinking) : If he were only human...

(Yowza quietly climbs off the radiator and walks
over to a pile of old clothes left over from the
room's previous residents.  He checks the pile for
insects and other threats, then disperses the
clothes into a make-shift bed and lies down)

Yowza : Shampoo, I'm a little tired now so I'm
going to head off to sleep.  Feel free to look
around this place a little more if you want, just
don't go outside without me, okay?
Shampoo : Sure.

(Shampoo jumps off the radiator and leaves the
room.  She walks around the complex a bit, not
really looking for anything, but instead just to
think.  After a half-hour of wandering she sits
down in the corner of a dark room and lays her
head in her arms, looking out the open door of the
room leading into the hallway)

Shampoo (to herself) : Why do I suddenly feel this
way?  I mean, Yowza is a cat.  That's all, just a
cat.  But... I can't help but wonder.  Do I love
him?  I've only known him for a few days...  Of
course, I only knew Ranma as a man for a few
minutes before he defeated me in combat.  By
accident.  But I've known Ranma even AFTER that!
I've seen what a wonderful person he is.  He's
sweet and kind.  He could just brush me off
angrily and go to Akane, but he doesn't...  Akane.
Why does he love her so much?  I'm so much better
than she is.  I can cook, I'm stronger, I'm more
beautiful, I even tell Ranma that I love him.  SHE
never does any of this.  Yet, still he loves her.
Why? (Shampoo silently begins to cry)  Why DO I
love Ranma so much?  I don't understand!  It can't
just be my tribe's law.  Technically, since Ranma
defeated me as a woman I must destroy him, too.
The two laws cancel each other out.  Then WHY?!
(Shampoo begins to cry even more)  I don't know
what to think anymore...  I never loved anyone
before Ranma.  How can I love anyone BUT him?

(Shampoo cries to herself for a few minutes, then
decides to get up and move around little bit to
get to blood flowing again.  She finds a roof exit
that has been weakly boarded up and decides to
look around from the rooftop.  With a quick puch
Shampoo breaks off a few boards and climbs out
onto the roof.  The snow has been collecting for a
little while and there is a thin layer of it
covering the building top.  Shampoo walks around,
finding the freezing snow refreshing as it takes
her mind off her troubles.  She bounces through
and rolls around in the snow, and thinks how easy
it would be just to lay down in it and sleep
forever.  How she would be able to dream until the
end of time, without any pangs of the heart
hurting her, without having to wonder if she would
ever get back home safely, without having to worry
about blind ducks or black-haired tomboys or... or
alleycats.  Shampoo looks sadly down at the
ground, and walks back down into the building. She
stops at the room where Yowza is sleeping, and
decides to pass it by.  She then runs down the
stairs until she reaches the first floor and looks
at the exit.  She can remember where Sogo is,
where the train station will be.  She doesn't need
to stay with Yowza any more.  Slowly, Shampoo
walks out the door and onto the sidewalk, and
walks away from Yowza...)

Yowza (shouting) : SHAMPOO!! (Shampoo turns around
to see him standing at the entrance of the
building, but doesn't say anything)  Shampoo!
Where are you going?
Shampoo (sternly) : I'm leaving.  I'll catch the
train to Tokyo when it leaves tommorow.  Goodbye
(turns to walk away.  At first Yowza is at a loss
for words, but after he sees she's serious he
decides to run after her)
Yowza : SHAMPOO!

(Shampoo sees Yowza running after her, so she runs
away from him as fast as she can.  Yowza starts
losing her, but tries to stay with as best he can
while calling her name)

Yowza : SHAMPOO!!  Shampoo, don't leave!!

(Shampoo keeps running, trying not to look back.
She runs a few blocks trying to lose him, but she
sees that he is still following.  The chase
continues for a few blocks until the pair reach
Sogo.  Since the doors are locked at this time of
night Shampoo knows nowhere else to go.
Eventually, Yowza catches up with her, panting and
stumbling, but still determined not to lose her)

Yowza : Shampoo!! <pant> Why did you leave?!
<pant>
Shampoo (her head is turned from him) : Keep
away!!  Don't follow me!!
Yowza (concerned) : Shampoo... <pant> Why?
<wheeze> Did I do..<cough> do something wrong?
<cough>
Shampoo (quietly now) : Please... stay away...

Yowza (stops advancing and just looks at her for a
second) : Shampoo, please... tell me what's wrong.

(Shampoo doesn't say anything at first, but then
turns towards Yowza with her head bent down.  She
looks up at him, and he can see that she is
crying.  But that isn't the worst shock of it...
Shampoo's expression is one of pure rage.  Her
teeth show clearly and her eyes are bloodshot.
Her ears are swept back, and she has unsheathed
her claws.  With each pant comes a thick cloud of
steam.  Yowza flinches at the sight, but stands
his ground)

Yowza : Shampoo...
Shampoo (beginning to salivate) : I S-SAID LEAVE
ME!!!

(Shampoo jumps at Yowza with a frenzied look on
her face and, before he can move, she is on him
and bites into his arm.  Yowza ignores the injury
and tries to pry her off before she can use her
claws.  He pushes her away and jumps into a
defensive stance.  Shampoo's mouth is coated with
the blood from Yowza's arm as she moves into a
typically feline attack stance.  The two circle
each other, looking for a chance to run or attack)

Yowza (yelling) : Shampoo!!  What's wrong?!

(Shampoo completely ignores his words; she looks
more like a rabid animal now.  She is no longer
crying, probably because she can no longer think.
Shampoo only hisses at Yowza and continues to
circle him.  Yowza waits until he is positioned
for a tactical retreat, then immediately makes a
break for it.  Unfortunately, Shampoo overtakes
him in one leap and lands on his back.  She bites
into his shoulder and hooks herself onto him with
her claws.  Yowza is staggering from the pain but
nevertheless tries to shake off.  However, Shampoo
is simply too strong and forces him to the ground)

Yowza (weakly) : Sh-Shampoo...  why...?

(Just when Yowza feels that he is about lose
conciousness Shampoo's weight goes limp, and
Shampoo falls like a sack of potatoes.  Yowza,
fighting to stay concious, unhooks her claws from
his body and looks at her.  She has gone out cold.
Yowza tries to put her on his back again, this
time to carry her back to the building.  Slowly
but surely he wades through the deepening snow and
makes it back...)
--------------------------------------------------
              End - Part Three
--------------------------------------------------

Shampoo 1/2 - Cat's Cradle

By BENARES

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Part Four of four

(Shampoo is sitting at her throne once more.  She is exquisitely dressed,
more so than ever before.  Like usual, Ranma's entourage of fiancees is
busily doing slave labor.  Like usual, the castle shines from its unbelievable
wealth.  But something is different this time... Shampoo looks around.
Where's Ranma?)
 
 

Shampoo (calling out) : Ranma?!  Ranma, where are you?
 
 

(Shampoo walks around the castle searching for Ranma.  The colors of the
halls are swirling in psychedelic patterns, making her dizzy.  Shampoo keeps
looking, but Ranma can't be found anywhere.  Suddenly the walls of the
castle begin to crack left and right.  Shampoo keeps calling Ranma's name.
Eventually she reaches the main doors of the castle and opens them.  As she
does this the walls of the castle crack even more, then with a roar they
shatter inward.  While the castle walls are crashing about all around her
Shampoo sees a man standing just outside the castle doors.  He's standing in
what appears to be a barren wasteland.  Shampoo steps out of the castle into
the wasteland, ignoring the disintegrating castle)
 
 

Shampoo : Ranma?  Is that you?
 
 

(We can now see the man has black hair, but is missing Ranma's pony tail.
Shampoo walks up to the man until she is a few feet away from him)
 
 

Shampoo : Who are you?
 
 

(the man turns around.  His build is pretty average, and he is as tall as she
is.  His hair is long and kind of scruffy.  Whoever he is he keeps himself
standing proud straight for someone who looks so ragged.  His left ear
twitches ever-so-often, awfully unusual for a man.  But his eyes...  his
yellow eyes with the air of good humor to them.  She feels them penetrate
into her heart.  The castle has completely turned to dust.  She doesn't look at
the castle, she looks at him.  The sky turns black, and the wasteland begins
to tear itself up)
 
 

Man (smiling like a cat) : Do you love me now, Shampoo? (and then he
disappears with the rest of the wasteland...)
 
 

(Shampoo-cat immediately sits upward, panting.  Before she knows what's
happening she falls back down, the room spinning around her in circles.
Shampoo tries to close her eyes, but it doesn't help.  A hand... or is it a
paw?... holds her by the back of the head and lifts upward.  The spinning
slows down, and finally reaches a slow enough speed to be almost tolerable.
Shampoo tries to see through the haze where she is.  It looks like the same
apartment room where she looked at the snow with Yowza.  Slowly she
begins to get an orientation of her surroundings)
 
 

Yowza : Well, well, look who's finally decided to wake up.

Shampoo (weakly) : Yow...za...?  Is that you?

Yowza : Ssshhh, don't talk.  Just rest.  I'll do all the talking for both of
us.
 
 

(Shampoo sees that she is buried in a pile of clothes up to her neck.  She
feels around and notices that she is soaked through with sweat.  Beyond that
she can barely think straight)
 
 

Yowza : Whew, you put me through quite a scare!  I was afraid you were a
goner for a while there, but you know what kind of optimist I am.  (looks
over her so she can see his face) You've been here for the past few days,
thrashing about, delirious, pretty much one sick cookie...  Didn't I TELL
you not to go outside?  Good grief, it was SNOWING.  Sure didn't do ME a
bit of good.  I had the sniffles until yesterday!  (smiles at her) Well, at
least you're going to be okay, now.

Shampoo (trying to get up) : What... happened?  Last thing I... remember
is...
 
 

(Shampoo tries to sit up all the way, but Yowza keeps her down.  Shampoo
holds Yowza's arm and looks at it.  She finds a nasty scar from where she
had bitten him)
 
 

Shampoo (looking ready to cry) : Oh, Yowza.  I'm SO SORRY...

Yowza (smiling comfortably at her) : Sssshhhh.  Don't cry, Shampoo.
Last thing we need is for you to get sick again.  Don't worry, I'm fine.  (in a
British accent) It's just a flesh wound.  See? (Yowza moves his arm around
to prove it still works) A day or so more and you'll be back on your feet
outrunning me again.
 
 

(Shampoo counts the days in her head... One, two, three... She comes to
the conclusion that she's been missing for SIX days already!!)
 
 

Shampoo (thinking) : Hmph.  Mousse must be bouncing off the walls
wondering what's happened to me...

Yowza (feels the clothing) : Hmm, it's time to change your sheets again.
Hold on, this will only take a minute.
 
 

(Yowza removes the clothing and replaces it with new clothing from
another stack.  Shampoo notices that Yowza is limping slightly from the hind
left leg, although she doesn't remember hurting him there.  Maybe she lost
her mind before that...)
 
 

Yowza : Well, good news.  They finished cleaning up the mess with the
train two days ago.  We can head out for Tokyo as soon as you get better.
In the meantime (gets up), I think you need some lunch.  I'll bring you
something back from Cliff's.

Shampoo : You don't have to travel that far.  Just bring me another box of
used cat food from the trash or something.

Yowza (slyly smiling at her) : Yeah, right.  There's no furnace for you to
toss it in this time.

Shampoo (surprised) : How...?

Yowza : Well, I didn't think you ate the BOX along with the food... I'll get
you some more steak.  Just stay put.  (affectionately rubs her head with his
paw, then begins to leave)

Shampoo : Yowza?

Yowza (looks back at her) : Hm?

Shampoo (smiles at him) : Thank you.

Yowza (smiles brightly back) : You're very welcome, Shampoo.
 
 

(Yowza leaves the room.  Shampoo lies there staring at the ceiling, then
looks towards the window.  The sky is partly cloudy, partly blue.  The sun
is shining through the window.  Shampoo hears the sound of honking car
horns and the barking of dogs from  the outside)
 
 

Shampoo (to herself) : So much for peace and quiet... (and she goes back
to sleep)
 
 

(for the next couple of days Shampoo stays in bed under Yowza's care.  He
keeps her company and talks to her, and makes fully sure that she doesn't
get out of bed unless necessary.  Eventually, Shampoo walks again)
 
 

Shampoo (munching on some steak strips) : When does the next train
leave?

Yowza (munching on a can of used tuna) : Uh, tomorrow, one in the early
morning and the other at dusk.  We'll make it for sure.

Shampoo (thinking) : I've never been a cat for so long!  I hope I can
remember how to walk upright.

Yowza : I'll bet your family will be jumping for joy to see you.  Make sure
to send me one of those posters that has your picture on it.  You know, the
ones that say "2500 yen reward for finding this cat".  I'll buy a set of ginsuu
steak knives with the money (Shampoo chuckles at the joke).

Shampoo : So what are you going to do when I'm gone?

Yowza : Oh, same old - same old.  You know, eat trash by day, sleep in
trash by night.
 
 

(although Yowza uses a joking tone when he says this Shampoo knows
how hurt he is feeling about leaving her)
 
 

Shampoo : I'm sorry, Yowza.  I wish I could stay longer.  (Yowza looks at
her cock-eyed)  I really do!  But I've got people who are worried about me.
I don't want them to keep being worried.

Yowza : Yeah, I know.  I know...
 
 

(Shampoo feels tired from thinking about the subject of whether or not to
stay with him.  But she knows she can't just abandon her old life.  She
switches tracks in her mind and looks out the window.  The sun is going
down, with red and orange bouncing off the clouds against a silhouette city-
scape)
 
 

Yowza (finishing off his tuna) : Well, I'm sure you've gotten tired of
sleeping in dirty clothes every day, so I've arranged for something special.

Shampoo : Eh?

Yowza : Follow me, I want to show you what I found!
 
 

(with that, Yowza jogs out the door, forcing Shampoo to wolf down
what's left of her steak so she can catch up.  Yowza runs up to the fifth floor
and stops in front of a large oak door that has withstood the test of time that
has claimed the rest of the apartment complex.   The door is ajar, so
Shampoo follows Yowza in.  Compared to the rest of the building Shampoo
finds this room very impressing : apparently, someone left this room in a
mad rush and left almost everything remaining.  And what remains appears
to be quite expensive.  Curtains, dressers, some clothes, and a large amount
of furniture, including a king size bed, which Yowza is currently sitting on)
 
 

Yowza : Cool, huh?  Now check THIS out.
 
 

(Yowza begins to jump on the bed, taking intense pleasure in the use of
springs.  He bounces and bounces, and motions for Shampoo to join him)
 
 

Yowza : Isn't this great? <boing> Come on, it's fun! <boing>

Shampoo (watching Yowza bounce up and down) : You've never bounced
on a bed before?

Yowza : What, and you <boing> have?

Shampoo (thinks for a second, then remembers that she's never slept on a
mattress, just futons) : Come to think about it, no.

Yowza : Well then <boing>, come on up!
 
 

(Shampoo jumps onto the bed, then bounces around with Yowza.  Yowza
is attempting to perform acrobatics, but always ends up landing the same
way.  Shampoo shows him how it's done : she starts to make use of her
martial arts training and goes from somersaults to back flips, on to 720
degree spins, and then finishes with a triple-backwards somersault with a
double axle, landing on one paw, before she goes back to regular bouncing
like Yowza.  All he can do is gawk like a buffoon and land on his face)
 
 

Yowza : That's sick <boing>.

Shampoo : Huh? <boing>

Yowza : No creature in the Universe <boing> should be able to do things
THAT cool <boing>.  You were an Olympic athlete <boing> in a previous
life, right? <boing>

Shampoo : It just takes lots of <boing> practice.  Here, (stops bouncing)
I'll show you how to do a flip.

Yowza (stops bouncing) : I'M going to learn how to do this stuff??  Wow!
(eyes glimmer)

Shampoo : Okay, here's how to start : first, make sure you've got adequate
height (starts to bounce.  Yowza looks on in earnest), then curve your back
sharply while throwing your feet upwards (makes an example of herself.
Yowza continues to watch), then finally straighten out when you catch the
ground in view, keeping your legs slightly bent and your arms extended for
balance (completes her show.  Yowza applauds)  Now, it's your turn...

Yowza : Huh? What ? ME?!

Shampoo : Come on, I'll help you.

Yowza : Alright, I'll try.
 
 

(Yowza tries to imitate Shampoo's maneuvers, only to land on his face each
time)
 
 

Shampoo : No, Yowza.  You - you need to face the OTHER way.  No,
you're not high enough.  Wait, that's too high!  You're not throwing your
legs up enough.  Are you even listening to me?!

Yowza : How am I doing? <boing>

Shampoo : But that's what you were doing EARLIER!

Yowza : Hey, this is fun! <boing>

Shampoo (holding her face) : Oh, for goodness sakes!  I give up (Shampoo
decides to give in and bounces away with Yowza).

Yowza : WHEEEE!!! <boing>

Shampoo : Whee. <boing>
 
 

(the two bounce around for a while until they both get tired.  Yowza is
determined to make one last grand stand, and bounces as high as he can.
Unfortunately he's off by about 45 degrees and crashes headlong into
Shampoo.  The two fall backwards into a pillow, which explodes sending
dow everywhere.  When the feathers stop falling, Shampoo sees Yowza
laying next to her with a mouth full of feathers.  The sight is too much and
Shampoo begins to laugh.  Yowza doesn't know what's going on, but he's
had enough fun to prompt laughter, as well.  After a few minutes of laughing
at the whole situation, the two just lie on their backs in the feathers and
look up at the ceiling)
 
 

Shampoo (looks at Yowza) : Thanks for taking care of me all this time.

Yowza (still looking at the ceiling) : Oh, pushaw... It was nothing.

Shampoo : No, really!  If it wasn't for you I would have probably died
from sickness or starvation, or I might even by floating towards Hawaii right
now.

Yowza (turning his head towards her) : Nonsense.  I couldn't just stand by
and let you get hurt.  Don't even give it another thought...
 
 

(for a second the two look intently at each other.  They both blush at the
same time and turn away, looking back at the ceiling.  After a couple of
minutes in silence, Shampoo looks at Yowza.  She bites her lower lip and
thinks to herself...)
 
 

Shampoo : I don't care if he's just a cat.  I don't care.  I don't care.
 
 

(Shampoo slides slowly over to where Yowza is laying.  She puts an arm
over him and looks into his large yellow eyes.  He looks back at her and
stares intently into her eyes.  She moves her face towards his)
 
 

Yowza (softly) : Shampoo, are you sure?

Shampoo (softly) : Ssshhh.  I'm sure.
 
 

(the two embrace and the lights go down...)
 
 

(Shampoo is sleeping soundly next to Yowza, still holding him.  She never
thought that she would ever fall in love with anyone but Ranma, but a cat of
all people!  She wants to be with him as long as she can. Forget the people
back in Tokyo, they'll be able to live without her; well, maybe not Mousse,
but that's HIS problem.  Maybe this will be a relief to Ranma : now he has
fewer people that he has to choose from.  She will stay in Yokohama with
Yowza.  She's strong, she will have no trouble defending herself, and with
Yowza to teach her the streets she will adapt in no time.  Being a cat isn't all
that bad, after all.  <clink>  Shampoo's eyes fly open and she quickly looks
around.  At first she doesn't see anything, but she knows SOMETHING has
to have made that sound.  She looks around some more, and suddenly
catches a glimpse of some movement coming from outside the door.
Whatever it is it's coming in the room, and there is THREE of it.  Quietly,
Shampoo nudges Yowza)
 
 

Shampoo (whispering) : Yowza.

Yowza (startled) : Huh? What? (Shampoo slaps her paw across his mouth)

Shampoo : Ssshh.  Something's in the room with us.
 
 

(At this Yowza immediately jumps up and moves into a defensive position)
 
 

Yowza (yelling) : SHAMPOO!!  Get out of here quick!!

Shampoo : What?
 
 

(instantly, three large animals jump onto the bed and spring at Yowza.
Yowza would have been ready to meet them, but he uses his move to push
Shampoo out of the way before the attack.  The three animals pummel him,
and when Shampoo is able to get reoriented from the floor she sees that these
three animals are large cats.  They look at her and Yowza)
 
 

Cat #1 : Well, well, Yowza.  Looks like we finally found you.  Who's this,
your new girlfriend?  (throws Shampoo an evil grin.  Shampoo snarls back)

Yowza (still yelling) : Shampoo!!  What are you waiting for?  GET OUT
NOW!!

Cat #1 : Oh no, you don't.
 
 

(Cat #3 lets go of Yowza and jumps next to Shampoo, grabbing her arms)
 
 

Cat #1 : I wonder what you'll look like stuffed in a can of sardines... But
first (looks at Yowza), your boyfriend needs to be taught a quick lesson.
Bruno?

Cat #2 : Uh, right boss (prepares to pound in Yowza's face).
 
 

(Shampoo quickly takes action. Before Cat#3 knows what's going on,
Shampoo has broken his grip with a quick snap and has him by the tail. She
swings him over her head and into an open closet)
 
 

Cat #1 (looks around in surprise) : What the...?
 
 

(he never gets a chance to finish what he's saying.  Shampoo flies at his
face and punches inward with her fist.  As Cat #1 flies across the room and
is knocked cold from the wall, Shampoo charges Cat #2, who is only staring
dumbfounded as she throws her weight forward and hits him in the neck
with her elbow.  After standing still a few seconds, Cat #2 goes cross-eyed
and collapses unconscious.  Yowza is no longer in the cat's grip, but he's
just sitting on the bed in shock ogling at Shampoo)
 
 

Yowza : Wha... I... You... Um...How...

Shampoo : I told you I had martial arts training.

Yowza : But... That is... HUH?

Shampoo (growing impatient) : Oh, never mind.
 
 

(Cat #3 in the closet moans and starts to get up.  Without even looking in
his direction Shampoo picks a nearby stool and effortlessly tosses it into the
closet.  Some yelling and a crash can be heard from inside)
 
 

Shampoo : Alright, Yowza.  What did these guys want? (more yelling is
heard from the closet as one of its shelves break and a slew of heavy sports
equipment falls on the cat inside)

Yowza (collecting himself) : Uh, well, I'm not too popular with the
local...uh....guilds.

Shampoo (jumps up on the bed next to him) : Guilds?

Yowza : Shampoo, I don't want to involve you in this.  I mean, I don't
want you getting hurt or anything.

Shampoo : Trust me, Yowza, I can take care of myself.  What's going on?
Does this have something to do with what you and Cliff were talking about
before?

Yowza : Jeeze, you're persistent...  Alright, I'll fill you in : yes, it's the
same thing Cliff was talking to me about last week.  There's an alleycat by
the name of Shasta...

Shampoo (thinking) : Shasta?  What is it with these cat names?

Yowza : Shasta kind-of runs things in this neck of the woods.  The cats that
live on the streets have to answer to him on anything they do.  Mostly he lets
them go about their business, but he requires a TRIBUTARY to him in
return, a.k.a. food, services, etc...

Shampoo (looking amusedly at Yowza) : You haven't been paying him,
have you?

Yowza (grinning a REALLY big smile) : I SAID I don't answer to anybody
out here.

Shampoo : Exactly how far back are you in payments?

Yowza (scratching his chin) : Well, let's see... it's 1994... carry the one...
minus the month... times two... uh... Hmm, to date, I believe I've... never
made a single payment (Shampoo face-faults).

Shampoo (looking up at him) : Uh, what were you planning to do when
they caught up with you?

Yowza : I actually never gave it much thought.  I mean, they never caught
me before...

Shampoo (sits back up) : Okay, how about we do something about it?

Yowza : If you think I'm going to start paying that Mafioso just because he
tries to scare me...

Shampoo : No, no, no.  What I mean is why don't we go get this guy off
your back?

Yowza (stares at Shampoo blankly, then cocks an eyebrow) : You're
kidding.

Shampoo : Why would I be kidding?

Yowza (puts an arm over Shampoo's shoulder) : Shampoo. Dear. Perhaps
I should inform you about Shasta.  Shasta is big.  No, he's not big.  He's
BIG.  I mean REALLY BIG.  Bigger than CLIFF big.  Bigger than a
greyhound BUS big.  The guy eats ROCKS, for crying out loud!

Shampoo (looks at him skeptically) : You couldn't be THAT scared of him.

Yowza : Shampoo, I am NOT exaggerating.  Well, maybe about the bus
part, but the rest is true!  I can't challenge him, he'd rip me to bits!

Shampoo (putting her arm over his shoulder now) : Well then, I guess I'll
have to come with you (smiles slyly at him.  Yowza looks back at her
confused)

Yowza : Shampoo, you may be able to beat up three lackey alleycats, but
Shasta is something different.  I've seen him fight, he fights tough and he
fights dirty.  Not to mention he has enough muscle mass to make him look
like a gorilla.

Shampoo : Don't worry, I've fought some tough opponents in my time.
This... SHASTA <what kind of name IS Shasta?> isn't going to going to
push us around.  Come on, let's go meet this streetcat.

Yowza (looks very glum) : I've got a BAD feeling about this... (Shampoo
smiles and kisses him on the cheek)
 
 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Commercial Break:
 
 

(It is October 7, 1960.  Kids are bouncing down the sunny city streets on
pogo sticks, a brand new Corvair sits parked in its garage, and Nixon and
Kennedy are duking it out on national TV.  We zoom in to a high school
stadium.  The benches are completely full of yelling spectators, and down on
the ground cheerleaders are cheering on their respective football teams,
chanting their school cheers.  One cheerleader stands out from the group of
giddy sixteen year-olds, however.  A six-and-a-half foot tall man with forty-
two inch biceps, shoulders that span almost five feet, and the cranium of a
gorilla stands looking mortified wearing a cheerleader's skirt and holding
pompoms, although none of the spectators seem to care.  Standing next to
him is a short Italian man with a gaudy jacket and what looks like a squealing
pocket calculator)
 
 

Al (give the cheerleaders the once-over) : Not a bad set-up, Ken.

Kenshiro : Oy.

Al : Uh, right... (punches some buttons on the calculator) Okay, Ziggy
says you're here to save the Mayberry football team.  It's seems that after
they lose this game they become really disgruntled, kill everyone in town,
take over the capitol, and then die of cancer from eating those little red
M&Ms.

Kenshiro : Oy.

Al : You've got to help them win.  And judging from the score and the fact
that you're a sixteen year-old cheerleader that's gonna be kind of tough.

Scoreboard : MAYBERRY HUCKLEBERRIES-0   LOS ANGELES
PSYCHOPATHS-684

Kenshiro : Oy. (Kenshiro drops his pompoms and steps out onto the
football field in front of the charging opposition)

L.A. Quarterback : Huh?  Wuzzat?

Kenshiro (starts glowing.  His cheerleader top tears off, much to the
interest of the spectators) : Oy.

L.A. Quarterback : She must be from the other team.  Let's get her!!

L.A. Team : Yeah!!

Kenshiro :
AAAAAHHHHTATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA
TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA
TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATAAAAAA!!!!!

L.A. Team : Aaaaagh!
 
 

(the entire L.A. team explodes, blood and brains flying everywhere.  The
crowd cheers.  The quarterback drops the football as his head blows up like
a balloon and explodes.  Mayberry's quarterback picks up the ball makes a
touchdown.  The crowd cheers)
 
 

Referee (blows whistle) : Hey, cheerleader!  You're outta here for
unnecessary roughness!!

Kenshiro : AAAHHHTAAAAA!!! (pokes the referee in the forehead.  The
ref looks back confused) You will die in one second.

Referee : Huh? Aaaaaaghhh!! (referee's head explodes.  The crowd cheers)

Al (punches more buttons on his calculator) : You DID it, Ken!  Mayberry
will win the game, their quarterback will one day become president of the
United States and will one day start a nuclear war that will annihilate all of
human civilization as we know it.

Kenshiro : Oy.
 
 

(Kenshiro disappears in a flash of blue light)
 
 

Announcer : New on the USA Network!  Follow the wacky time-travelling
adventures of Hokuto master Kenshiro and his holographic pal Al in
HOKUTO LEAP!!  Coming soon!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
 
 

(shift views to a nastier piece of the city, the place commonly labeled as
"the bad part of town".  We see a clear moonscape over the tops of old
decrepit buildings, then zoom downward to the dark, trash-filled streets
below.  No one is there except for the few homeless people sleeping under
old newspapers shifting about in the cold wind.  The windows on most of
the buildings are boarded up, a few of the boards hanging loosely and
creaking in the breeze.  Other than the occasional bark of a dog or the
clinking of a can down the street it is completely silent.  We turn towards a
small, lit alleyway.  Inside there are six or seven alleycats of various sizes
and colors.  Some are roughhousing with each other, others are eating scraps
of food, almost none of them look very friendly.  As we enter the alleyway
they turn and look in our direction.  The view turns around showing
Shampoo and Yowza standing at the entrance of the alley)
 
 

Shampoo : So where to now?

Yowza : I don't know.  I haven't exactly gone LOOKING for him before.
As far as I remember this is the place he usually shows up at.  WHEN he
shows up is anyone's guess.
 
 

(Shampoo looks around the alley.  The cats have already lost interest and
have gone back to what they were doing before.  Shampoo tries to pick out
who looks the friendliest and settles on a target.  She walks up to a gray she-
cat sifting through a garbage can.  Funny enough, the cat is using a large
brown dog as a step stool)
 
 

Shampoo : Excuse me.

Gray cat (looks up from her garbage) : Hm?

Shampoo : Hi.  I was wondering if you know where I can find a cat named
Shasta?

Gray cat : What do I look like, a gas station attendant?  How should I
know? (goes back to sifting through trash)

Shampoo : Hey!

Gray cat (looks back up) : What do want?  I'm trying to get some dinner.
It's not easy providing for two, you know (points to the dog. The dog looks
at Shampoo blankly with its tongue hanging out)

Shampoo : Are you sure you haven't seen him?  He's a BIG cat and, um...

Yowza : He's gray with black streaks across his back, and his jowls are
kind of sagging, and--

Gray cat : Oh, yeah!  I remember him now.  The jowls gave him away...

Brown dog : Definitely.  Definitely sagging jowls.  Hey Rita, after we've
eaten something let's go chase after some cats.  Yeah, definitely chase some
cats.

Gray cat : Shut up, stupid.

Brown dog (looks at Shampoo) : You're kind of small for a dog.

Shampoo : I'm a cat.

Brown dog : Oh.  Definitely.  Definitely a dog.  Yup.

Yowza : You're friend isn't very bright, is he?

Gray cat : Runt's about as sharp as a bag of wet hair.

Shampoo (growing impatient) : Ahem... About Shasta?

Gray cat : Oh.  Let's see...  I think he's in the next building in the back
room.

Yowza : Thanks.  We'll let you get back to dinner (turns to leave).

Shampoo : You don't look Japanese.  Where are you from?

Gray cat : We're from the U.S.  We WERE planning on going to Fiji, but
this dimwit (scowls at the dog) got us stuck on the wrong boat.

Brown dog (still looking stupid) : Definitely.

Shampoo (leaving) : Right.  Well, thanks.
 
 

(Shampoo and Yowza walk through an open side door and wander through
the old building.  The place is crawling with stray cats, the sound of yowling
everywhere, and it's beginning to give Shampoo the creeps.  She moves a
little closer to Yowza, who doesn't seem to mind the noise at all.  She
notices that it's warmer in the building than it should be, maybe from all the
cats' body heat.  Eventually the two reach a back room where most of the
cats are congregated.  There is a large cat with an eye patch sitting outside
the front entrance.  He appears amused to see Yowza walk up to the door)
 
 

Yowza : Move it, Patch.  We're here to see Shasta.

Patch : Oh, riiight Yowza.  You must be feeling suicidal today.

Yowza (thinking) : I KNEW there had to be a reason why I